Dad Issues.
Hey, remember this ugly monster rearing its head?
I have been imagining my meeting of this magnitude with my dad for YEARS . I have been suppressing so much anger for his lack of participation in my life. I want him to know how hurt I feel, how angry I am, instead of me just putting on a happy face on and leaving with a feeling of being crushed.
When I got a call from his wife a while back, I thought, "here is my chance". I will no long avoid this black spot on my heart any longer.
After he was released from the hospital I told him that I wanted to get together for coffee...he sounded receptive.
I have called three times since then...with no return call. STILL.
I wonder where I got the middle name Avoidance.
Here is my letter to him...if you missed it the first time around.
Dad
I wonder if I should just give it up. I wonder if it will even matter what I say to him. I wonder if I will ever be able to let it go if I don't have the chance to say it to him. I wonder if he is as scared to hear what I have to say as I am to just say it.
I am going to call again. I can't give up, because someday he isn't going to be walking around on this earth for me to have a chance to tell him.
I just don't want to call...AGAIN. BUT I am going to. Right now. *bites nails*
*SIDE NOTE. I saw my brother this weekend and he made a facial expression that screamed our dad...and that ping of hurt and anger flared up. I need to do this with my dad, or I am afraid I will never heal from it.
I understand the need...
ReplyDeleteI can tell you to let it go, but the need won't go away...
Sorry. No sage advice. Just warm and fuzzy thoughts.
I admire the courage you have to face him. Remember that we're right here rooting for you from the sidelines!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. I know I have stated this before, but the more people I talk to, the more I hear people talking about how their own Dads were MIA when they were little. Maybe not MIA, but the lack of caring or compassion or even supporting whatever it was at the time that was important to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you have that great of a weight on you where YOU HAVE to do this, just show up at his house. MAKE it happen. Until you get the answers you are looking for, my heart goes outt o you.
No Daddy issues for me since I don't even know who the sperm donor is. But Mommy issues? Yeah, I got those up the yin-yang. My thing is -- I finally realized that she was just poison to me so I cut off all contact. I've been happier ever since.
ReplyDeleteBut you gotta do what you gotta do, ya know?
Good luck and thanks so much for stopping by my site!! :)
Cheers,
kitty
I came over from Mom Bloggers Club. I hope you find resolution and peace in this situation. {{{{hugs}}}}
ReplyDeleteI came over from Mom Bloggers Club. I hope you find resolution and peace in this situation. {{{{hugs}}}}
ReplyDeletei hope this time it works out for you to get together.
ReplyDeleteoh and don't bite your nails!!! yuck! :-) eat some chocolate or go for a run or something!!!
I really hope things work out this time. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like you need some kind of closure....Natalie is right. Make it happen or you will be torturing yourself!
ReplyDeleteI hope you find peace with this issue!
sounds like you have some things to get off your chest to him...it's not going to hurt a already dysfunctional relationship..right?
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you feel right.
I have similar issues, but they are not with my dad but my mom. I was raised by a single dad. I've found that its good for me to say the things I want to myself rather than to my mom. It falls on deaf ears anyway, and then I end up being the only one effected. Seriously, write it all out and set it on fire. Let it all out, and burn it up. Sounds like regardless of what you tell your dad, he wont be effected by it.
ReplyDeleteHaving the need makes perfect sense and I am so proud of you for even trying to put yourself out there. Hugs to you...and good luck.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a way to make it easier. It's too bad he's not as willing to extend his hand to you. You can't blame yourself for the feelings that you have. I'm proud of you for perservering!
ReplyDelete