Must apply...within

BOMBARDED AGAIN
with schedules...feeling of chaos.
so busy, couldn't even post a meaningful or meaningless post today...

will return.

Wheels keep on turnin...

Entre Mr. Squirrely Nuts.

Sometimes blogs just write themselves.

*stares at screen*

Wish that were true.

So right outside of our office door is a big tree where squirrels like to play.  They run up and down, they scurry across the sidewalk in front of our door.  They hide in the bushes to scare the living crap out of me when I go out to smoke.

I walked outside like any other time.  I flipped up my hand to light my cigarette only to realize that I grabbed chap stick instead of my lighter.  I turned around quickly to catch the door before it locked behind me to see the ass end of a squirrel running in the door into our office.

"Shit!"  I screamed.  My co-worker came out from her office looking at me confused as to why I was cursing so loudly.  As she exited her office she sees the squirrel take a hard left and run down the hall to the other offices.

"Shit shit shit" I yell again!  My co-worker goes down the hall to try to trap the crazed animal in the bosses office while I go back to my office to get my lighter to smoke.

I mean, what was I suppose to do?  I needed a smoke break.  My shrieking wasn't doing any good, it was only scaring the squirrely dude more.

By the time I got done she had opened the outside door and shut the inside door and we are ASSUMING Mr. Nuts got back outside.

Just to make sure we asked the guy downstairs to come and inspect the place just for good measure.  No more squirrel. 

After laughing for a good few minutes I went back out to smoke another one and updated my facebook status.



That's been the most exciting thing that's happened around here all day.

And that's why this is called Stacie's MADNESS...

Living "alone" there are bound to be things you learn about yourself.

I'm not NEARLY as much of a clean freak as I once thought myself to be...I realize now that I did a lot of angry cleaning. I had a lot I was angry about and one "poor soul" that I was angry with, therefore, I'd clean. Feverishly. I didn't feel like my house was truly cleaned until I could smell the bleach or until my eyes and hands burned from it.

NOW...I'm not nearly as angry and when I am...I just don't have the time to clean. When I have the time, I don't have the energy...and there is no one that is going to come home and give the stink eye about a clean basket of folded clothes that have been sitting in the living room for over a week.

*whistles and looks around innocently*

My kitchen cabinets were CRAMMED full of just any kind of platter you could imagine, football season platters, Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, everyday platters. It was ridiculous how much stuff I had packed into that kitchen. It didn't stop there, I'm afraid.

Our cabinet that served as our "pantry" was overflowing with food. Sometimes things would get smashed into the back of the cabinet, to never be eaten, usually then donated to the food drive at school no doubt or ever considered for dinner.

NOW being in this MUCH smaller kitchen, I don't have those "things". Sure they are all packed in the garage in hopes for a kitchen remodel, but I wonder, do I really need that much...STUFF???

NOW being on a one income budget, sometimes that cabinet serving as a pantry starts day dreaming about remodel again isn't as crammed full, in fact each box of macaroni and cheese is served BEFORE it's expiration date. There are no spares to put out for the local food drive. We need it, we've eaten it.

Oh for the love of Pete.

My point. We are living without this stuff and we have plenty of food. Trust me we aren't starving, not even in the slightest. What I have found strange through it all is my utter panic (I might almost have some anxiety issues) when these cabinets aren't full to brim. Or when the freezer is bare except the cheap rolls of turkey burger.

I panic. As if what's in my cabinets dictates in any way my success or lack thereof in running my own household.

A life filled with material things (and I realize food isn't a material thing...but just go with my crazy train of thoughts, mmmk?) is not filled with love it's filled with STUFF.

We are healthy, fed, and working on happy...that is not equated in full cabinets but in full hearts.

The inner workings of my thoughts are just that...madness...and it really does help getting them out...so thanks for reading and sharing a part in MY madness.