Where is the F-U friday???

Doesn't someone here in blog land have a F-U Friday?

meh.

It's how I feel today. For the first time in, um, EVER, I feel like flipping the big bird to today and the upcoming long weekend.



A long weekend people. I want to flip the bird to a long weekend.

*feels forehead*

Follow up frenzy to the incident with Bubba.

He's grounded this weekend. He's grounded Juvi style.

He swears that he didn't say what 3 other boys say he said.

3-1 says Bubba is lying. So, he is grounded.

Even if he isn't lying about the LATEST incident, he admits to lying about the first one and he admits that he lies to his friend about having sex with girls.

Oh yes, you read me right blogland. 

HE AND ANOTHER BOY TALK ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH THEIR "GIRLFRIENDS".

SIX YEARS OLD.

*deep breath*

"Bubba, what do you mean you lie and say you have sex with your girlfriend?" I question.

"Mom, I don't have a girlfriend."  He says.

"Yes, I assume, but what is sex?"  I press.

"You know Mooom.  It's kissing your boyfriend or girlfriend's private parts." He answers.

"Hmmm and you say you do this with your imaginary girlfriend?"

"Yes, but I don't have a girlfriend."  He says again.

"OK, but you are LYING to your friend." I stress.  "What about the picture you drew Bubba, why did you draw that picture?"

"So-and-so told me to."

"I thought you said you saw a movie at Daddy's??? Isn't that what you told the school??"

"Yes, but I only said that because I didn't want to talk about it anymore."

"So you lied to the school?"

"Yes."

Last night I made Bubba sit in the bleacher for his t-ball game.  We sat there for the whole game and watched his team play.

He didn't care much.

*little f*cker*

All toys have been removed from his room.  He will be spending the weekend in his room while Buggy and I have a camp out in the backyard, set up the pool and hopefully have some sort of fun in the midst of the drama.
It's gonna hurt and it's going to be hard, but he needs to get the message that lying and saying or doing inappropriate things will not be tolerated.

Wish me luck.

How's this as a follow up to the HONEST AWARD?

“What you call insanity, I call inspiration.”
— Sue Sylvester Glee

I would like to tell you all about my exciting evening.

I would like to be blogging about going to see Glee Live tonight

What I feel right now is not glee.

Not glee at all.

I am sick. SICK to my stomach.

There is something wrong, something seriously wrong.

My Bubba has done it again.

Worse this time.

I can't even joke about it. I got a call from the principle.

There is something he is SEEING or there is something HAPPENING to him.

I am scared. I am literally scared.

What if there IS something happening to him and I didn't even know?

If it is something he is seeing or hearing, then WHERE?  Has it been while under my care?

If this continues to happen in the school setting there will be legal actions taken. It's not a threat from the schools, it's a fact.

I, of course don't want it to get to that.  As it is I look at my parenting skills under a microscope all the time. To have someone else do it too, I would willingly open my door to it, but that would be scary as hell.

In relating some of the things that have happened at home with Bubba to the school counselor she strongly suggests that he go and talk with a professional.

I am a very big advocate of counseling, but to hear that for matters of this nature is horrifying.

As much as I am willing to jump through hoops and get answers on this matter, it is terrifying to KNOW.  To know his file has been marked, to know that this deviant behavior is more than a boy just being a boy.  To know that I am his mother and therefore directly and/or indirectly responsible for his behavior.

I am sick, just literally sick to my stomach.

I just feel lost.  I don't know what to do.

The counselor is sending me a list of professionals and I will be taking Bubba in to talk to someone. 

I will continue to fight for resolution and I guess, that is all that I can do at this point.

I will get to the bottom of this, but will I be able to HANDLE the truth???

What doesn't kill us will make us stronger, no? 

I fucking hope so.

Death by DQ spoon

My Bubba. He may look sweet, he may look adorable. That boy has issues. I am sure of it.


Last night he threw his Dairy Queen spoon at a bird and yelled "DIIIEEE"

*bites nails*

******

Remember his artistic ability?

Seems he's stopped drawing pictures, but the talk of "kissing private parts" is still around...and last week, he stood in the corner for talking about it outloud.  In the dr's office.

Boy how I love disciplining my child in public.

NOT.

*******

Sometimes I feel like I could make this whole blog about crap Bubba does...some good, but mostly the bad.

He's got a potty mouth (along with the other inappropriate talk).

The other night Buggy sat down and asked if she could make a list of rules for our house.

I told her that was a fantastic idea and that all of us should come up with rules together.

One of the rules was no bad words, she added no flipping of the middle finger to that rule.

Bubba reads it, looks at me, gets his naughty dimples and walks away.

I am proud of his reading ability, but I know that his little mind was ticking. Specifically ticking towards how can I tick these girls off. Damn Mothers.

******

This morning we were all in our very small bathroom brushing our teeth.

Bubba has his first loose tooth, he is in the mirror wiggling it (the tooth this time), wiggling it some more (still the tooth).

"When is it going to come out, Mom?" (Tooth)
"When it's ready bud."

"HOLY SHHHHHHHHHHHH" he looks at me from the mirror. "Can I say it Mom? Can I say the S-H word?" He grins, his little tooth hanging by a thread.

"No." I give him the look of c'mon are ya kidding me?

I gave him a list of other words to use in the place of the S-H word. Maybe in some households, crap and poop aren't appropriate, but in our house...it's the better alternative.

I pick my battles.

******

Ha. To think someone nominated me for a parenting blog.

FAIL.

Can I steal that moment?

I like to grocery shop alone. I just can't think if there are others with me. I just can't. It's not just the kids, although I really am flustered if the kids are with me, it's anyone. I can not focus on the task at hand.

How can I price compare if someone is trying to talk to me?

How can I get the job done quickly if someone is so indecisive on which kind of milk they want?

So, when I can, I go alone. Sometimes I will get up earlier than everyone on a Saturday morning, quietly shower and TRY to sneak out of the house. It almost never works, but I try.

The kids always want to go where I go. I could tell them I am going to hell (which might not be far off) and they would want to go. "It's hot in hell" I could say, they would run and put on shorts. "I am going fast, maybe too fast for your little legs" I would push, they would promise to run. "I will NOT be buying you ANYTHING, it will all be food and you can't pick the cereal you want" I would plead, they would say they were fine with that (although you all know, it wouldn't hold true once we were in that damn cereal aisle).

This one morning I was at the store, alone, wondering down each aisle. When I got to the meat section there was a woman and her child, shopping...together.

The mother placed both of her hands on her child's cheeks and kissed him before she leaned into the cooler to retrieve her items.

The child's face was illuminated from the show of affection. I watched attentively as his eyes followed his mom with a love flowing from them. It was amazing. I, from across the aisle could FEEL his love, could feel how happy he was in that moment. I could see how much his mommy meant to him and how special he felt that SHE was his.

I got choked up (and am still now, it was that powerful) and pushed my cart out of the area before I started to lose my emotions there in the middle of the Saturday grocery crowd.

I couldn't help but wonder, how many of those moments have my children blessed me with and I missed it? How many times have I been too preoccupied by what is on the agenda for the night/day/week/month that I have not noticed those waves of pure love? Pure, unconditional love.

Next time I could tell them I am going crazy and when they offer to lace up my straight jacket, I am going to let them and then kiss their faces and wait, wait for that look.

2nd grade princess

2nd grade. How did this happen? Seems like yesterday we were sending you off to kindergarten. My beautiful girl. I am proud of you. You are strong, brave and funny!

The night before school started you laid in your bed, the excitement was just oozing out of you. Your eyes were beaming as you told me how excited you were and then with a giggle you said, "I am nervous too!"

First day jitters, it's normal to be nervous I told you. So you settled your head down on the pillow and just smiled.



I walked you to your new classroom and we were greeted by Mrs. S with the biggest grin. Mrs. S was excited about every one of her new students and you were no exception. She remembered your name which made you grin even bigger, with your still missing teeth grin. We spotted your desk and me and brother said our goodbyes; wishing you the best day ever!

As brother and I walked out of the school, I am not going to tell you that I didn't tear up, cause you would know that was a lie. Your mom is a big cry baby. I teared with pride, with confidence that this is going to be a GOOD year. I teared with memories and how quickly they have flashed by me. I teared as your brother strutted down the hall stating very confidently that he can't WAIT to be at your school next year.

He loves you as much as any brother would love his older sister. I hope you know that, I hope you know how much you make his eyes sparkle when you are around. Remember a couple of weeks ago when you were both outside playing? You said brother looked at you with that gleam and right then you thought, he is so cute. Honey YOU help put that gleam there.



I love you honey, I hope that second grade is a fabulous year for you!

STRESS

I can feel it in my neck, in my killer headache and all around me.

We had bubba's 4th birthday party over the weekend. It went really well, until he complained of a stomach ache. By 3am that morning he was throwing up. He couldn't keep anything down.

It is so hard to see your little baby going through that.

By Sunday night he had finally kept down some water and slept all night long waking only to go potty and get something more to drink.

Monday was a lot of resting on his part. He slept off and on all day, poor guy. He was wiped. I am sure from the virus and the fact that he was going on day 3 of not really eating anything.

Luckily no one else has reported getting sick; no one in my house and no one that attended the party.

Buggy and I have had a rough week. She just has attitude for days. With my stress at an all time high, I am having trouble keeping my head level to be able to handle the nastiness she is spewing. Today of all days, the day she goes to her dad's for the weekend, it was a blow out. I screamed she screamed and both went to school/work crying.

I hate mornings like that! Especially ones where she is gone for the next 5 days.

When these mornings occur it really sends me in a UGH mode. Wondering if other moms have these days. They probably handle it a lot better than I do...and I start beating myself up over it. MAN it feels horrible fighting with a seven year old.

So I have been trying to keep my negativity off of my blog, but ya know what...this is MY journal and I can cry if I want to! ;)

Here is my Idol review:
Luke--HATED IT. cute, but I do not like his voice.
David Archuleta - man, can he really do anything wrong? I really liked his performance, but hope to see some more youngness coming from him. Liven it up babes.
Danny N- yes. I really do like him, his spunk, his funkiness...he needs to modest up just a little...but I would like to see him back. PS, LOVED the purple hair. seriously.
David H. - see, now, I like him too. Maybe I am not so negative this week ;). Was he really a gay strip club dancer guy? Hmm, do I care? No.
David Cook - hate his look LOVED THE SONG. Really, rocked it out on a Lionel Richie song. That was great, when I closed my eyes!
Michael Johns- what about accents makes a guy so sexy? I thought his performance was decent...not my favorite of his...but he can TALK me bed, er sleep any night.
Jason Castro - LOVED IT. Was I the only one that didn't know that song though? Never heard it. Co-worker said it was a song on Shrek...not a fan of that movie...maybe that is why I hadn't heard the song.
Chekezie Eze---um, eh. His performance felt like a been there done that. Not that thrilled.

My vote is to send Luke and Chekezie home.

on to the girls.
Asia'h - what is with the spelling? anyway...she was ok. Her outfit was HIDEOUS.
Kady - SPELL CHECK THE NAMES PEOPLE. I think she will go this week, she should have gone last week.
Amanda - my Indiana girl. BYE BYE. I loved her performance, but I am so over her voice, then her total lack of excitement...are you serious? PUMP UP THE VOLUME, DANCE DANCE.
Carly- the accents...I love 'em...though I don't want her talking me to sleep. I thought she did good and will sail through to the next round.
Kristy Lee - she is cute. I thought her performance was decent.
Syesha - really sick of the Witney songs...anyone? Anyone? She did alright.
Brooke - MY FAVORITE of the night. She is really seeming more comfortable and relaxed and I loved her performance. Rock on girl.

So for the girls...here is my hope--
Goodbye to Kady and Amanda.

Much love and peace out.

Valentine's Day aftermath

Email from my mom:

HI HONEY, JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AND WHAT YOU HAVE ACOMPLISHED IN YOUR 33 YEARS!

I LOVE THE WOMAN AND MOTHER YOU HAVE BECOME...... YOU ARE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED YOU TO BE..... THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOPE YOU HAVE A GRRRRRRRRREAT DAY!!!!!!!

So my reply was,

I had to learn it from someone so THANK YOU and I love you too.

Her response:

I TAKE NO CREDIT

Seriously???? who else made me this way? Surely not the father that didn't give two shits about us (me and my brother) after we moved to my mom's at the age of 11ish. Someone also nurtured me until the age I did live with my dad...around 5ish. My dad had us a total of 6 years and really I don't remember him "HAVING" us. I remember being alone a lot. I remember girlfriends, I remember a step mom and being left downstairs while they had a party. I remember my Aunt. Not much about my dad being around. So who? Who do I give the credit to?

Sure there are things my mom did that I strive to do differently, but isn't that still crediting her? She has done what she has done because it was what she knew at the time? She was a BABY having BABIES.

Anyway. Her lovely email was greatly appreciated by me, but sure sent me thinking about what influence I have on my own children.

The other night on the way home for daycare Buggy says to me:

Mom, remember last night when Bubba was in time out and he said he hated you? You said you were going to put soap in his mouth, but you didn't.

DAMN, being called out by the seven year old AGAIN on my inconsistencies.

I told her to mind her damn business.

No I am just kidding, I said, honey, you worry about being a kid and I will worry about your foul mouth brother. OK, I didn't say the last part either.

Ya get me though, right?

Stay a kid and don't worry about how mommy is disciplining your brother. When you butt in it only gets you in trouble too.

Yes, Bubba is going through a stage as I might have mentioned before. A throw everything in site when he doesn't get his way stage. A spitting stage, a hate you stage, a shut up stage. Ah. Yes. Life at my house lately has been full of hate being spewed from the almost 4 year old.

Good times.

I wonder what will stick with my kids when they get older, will they thank me for my mediocre attempt at parenting. Will they laugh about all the times they were threatened with soap in the mouth and the amount of times that I actually carried out the threat?

How will they be as parents? With Buggy being in LOVE I can TOTALLY wait until the day, but I just wonder what they will have to say about me and my ways.

Hopefully they will be as forgiving as I am of my mother's faults. I honestly think that if my mom didn't have those faults she would be not human to be human is MUCH more appealing than not.

I wish though that there was a way to make my mother see, I love her and she is one of my great friends now and really, I wouldn't want her any other way. One thing that I know she did pass down to us is the GUILT of not being perfect and to that I say...forget about it (in my best NY accent)...can't be perfect and as I already said, being human is much more appealing.