*cheers*
2007 has come to an end...I have to say that although 07 started out scary with unknowns about my marriage and such, it did end on a much better note.
I have reconnected with a lot of old friends in 2007. Thanks again to myspace...lol. It is like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but with myspace. To much of my surprise though, reconnecting with some of these people has brought me right back to "me" the way I felt in high school. As much as I like to think I am more secure with who I am now, meeting with these rekindles has shown me that maybe I am NOT as secure as I like to think I am.
In school, I was a very insecure person. I used boyfriends to make me feel better about me. I had lots of friends but only a few that I let REALLY see me for me. In the few encounters with the rekindles, I felt myself sinking into the corner, afraid of what they saw, what they thought of me and I really couldn't let myself shine as I let myself shine now. It was so odd and as much as I was yelling in the inside I couldn't get out.
Daily affirmations of "I am a good friend, I am a caring person" just didn't escape through me in the new meetings. I struggled with the overwhelming feeling of "see me" and "be MY friend". It was suffocating. Truth is, I don't need more friends, but I want everyone to like me and I go so far as not being "me" to try to bring them to my side.
That isn't who I thought I was today at my almost ripe age of 34. I do still want others to like me, but I don't go to the extremes anymore to make sure of it. Sitting with these people took me right back to that feeling and it was just annoying. LOL.
So now the new baby of 08 has arrived, I hope that 08 is great. Isn't that the gayest rhyme and the total cliche saying? LOL...I cracked myself up several times on NYE when I kept saying it over and over and over. *giggle*
There are no resolutions for me this year, even if there were, I make it a rule to NEVER divulge my resolutions so that I only disappoint myself when I don't stick with them.
A lot of my friends will be welcoming additions to their families in 08, that is really exciting. Other than that, I can't think of anything that is really exciting to look forward to as the new year starts. Not that I am disappointed by that, I actually am happy to think that maybe this year things will be calm. I will be calm. I will be me and happy that I know who I am. Maybe I will have a chance to show others the real me and they can take me or leave me and I won't be any different for it.
So for me, 08 is going to be great. *haha* I hope you all have a "great" one as well!
I hope '08 is fabulous for you!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!!!
I hope it is a great year too - I am counting on it - for all of us. Happy New Year Stacie - I'll see you soon. Kellan
ReplyDeleteI can very much relate to how you feel about running into the old high school crowd as I have done that just recently. One of the boys my son plays basketball with is the son of a woman I went to school with. We were close friends in elementary school, but not much more than casual friends in high school. Seeing her again brought back all that old crap that I thought I had left behind and I started doing the whole "I wonder what she thinks of me now, who will she tell" sort of thing. Just rediculous! Like you said, I thought I had evolved and was more secure in who I am now, only to find out that, no, I still have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old! Jeez! Anyway,...you have nothing to worry about, my dear! Maybe you make THEM nervous, did ya ever think of that? You seem pretty pulled together to me, and you're one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of blogging with! :) Hope you have a "great '08" (so catchy, Stac!) See ya soon. Lizzy
ReplyDeleteGreat 08! That is my new saying Stacie, thanks :-) I personally like cliches!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about old high school feelings. I was one of the most insecure people in high school. I now like to thumb my nose at my old self and be happy because I have a great life. I have learned that often those people that I think at first have the perfect life, in fact don't. They are just really good a putting up a facade. And facades? They are illusions and useless.
Here's to you! Stong, confident and amazing..
that's you!
Happy New Year, Stacie! It may be a cliche, but I really do hope that "08 is GREAT" and that you are happy & fulfilled! I'm adding your blog to my blogroll (hope you don't mind). Thanks for the comment on mine :-)
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Stacie! I hate running into people I knew when I was a teenager. I was miserable, and their memories of me are probably not great ones. And I find myself reverting to how I was. So I can relate. Icky.
ReplyDeleteI think it's the same for all of us. No matter what we've accomplished as adults, there's that little part of us that is forever trapped in high school!
ReplyDeletei clearly had a very abnormal HS experience, lol. i LOVED it. and i love seeing and reconnecting with old friends and anyone who went to my school at all while i did.
ReplyDeletebut mostly, stace, i wanted to remind you that YOU, as you truly are, are a gift, and anyone should be so lucky as to have you as a friend. chin up, sweetie.
Happy Great in 08' Year!!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful CALM year, can't get much better than that :)
ReplyDelete