So here it goes...
Two years ago, my mom had the idea that she wanted to become a snow bird (fly south, way south as in 1,768.07 miles south). She took off for Arizona at the beginning of January (maybe it was February, not sure) and was set to return at the end of March. She THOROUGHLY enjoyed her months living down there, I even went to visit and agreed that it was BEAUTIFUL and totally livable in the winter months.
The following year, my sister moved home (she lived in AZ, another reason my mom loved being down there) so, my mom just decided to not go down that year. It really had been a sore spot between her and my step dad anyway. (He stayed here to work while she lived (and worked) down there).
Now onto THIS year...her and my step dad are getting a divorce and she has decided to do the "snow bird" thing again this year. However, I don't see her coming back at all this time. Maybe to clear up the loose ends in getting the divorce finalized, but that is it.
I have several conflicting feelings on this potential change of scenery for her...it's a battle of the brain vs the heart...the selfish vs the selfless...
1) She deserves to be happy and if Arizona makes her happy then I am all for it.
Damn, I really don't want her living that far away, why can't WE make her happy, what are WE missing that she needs?
2) It gives me a great place to vacation to, if I wanted.
Seriously, only seeing my Mom on occasion is totally not cool...besides with the upcoming divorce in MY world, who is to say I will EVER be able to afford vacationing again?
3) My expectations I have for her, might possibly be better met with her so many miles away.
fuck that is just sad...seriously. I think that she MIGHT be a better Grammy living that far away, she will be forced (if we can ever afford to vacation there) to spend one on one time with the kids...and me. She MIGHT be a more attentive Mother, if she has less distractions of her friends here. In time, though, she will have friends there too..but a trip from miles and miles (1,768.07 miles) away may require the TIME that I wished she would give me living here.
4) I do want her to be happy (so I guess this goes along with #1)
I fear though, she won't be happy! This happiness issue is deeper than geography.
5) This is all just me GUESSING she isn't returning...setting myself up for the decision, and maybe, I am all wrong.
I hate being wrong...and we will wait and see...how it all pans out...but if I am RIGHT, I WILL say I told you so...whoever "you" are...
She left February 1st, and I am trying to not be sad about it, I am trying to not worry about the future because it hasn't happened yet, so why waste the time worrying?
Plus if it does happen, there isn't anything I can do to change it, therefore I will just have to deal with it, so why worry about it NOW?
It sure has been on my mind a lot lately...and maybe now, just getting it out of my head, I will be able to better process my feelings about it and move on.
Man.... that all sucks... I hate dealing with the unknown. Especially when it involves family.
ReplyDeleteThose are some conflicting feelings. It is harder to put SOMEONE else's feelings ahead of our OWN.
ReplyDeleteI hope BOTH OF YOU are happy ;)
Hugs..... I know it's not the same thing, but I do know how you feel. With the husband working and more or less living in another state ( you know 488 miles away) it can be hard to handle sometimes. If you ever want to talk you can e-mail me ( address on blog) and I promise I will listen.
ReplyDeleteSending best wishes (and some clarity) your way Stacie. I promise this too shall pass - or so THEY say. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's like you wrote those points for me. My mom is also moving to AZ, and I just don't like the idea of it though I know it's the best for her. I just wish she'd move to TX instead :)
ReplyDeleteThe Hubs doesn't really have a lot of family so whenever he talks about moving I freak out saying how I can't move away from my parents. I just can't imagine only seeing them once a year or twice if we are lucky. I hope she comes back :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, you look just like your mom!
ReplyDeleteMy parents moved to Florida the year GlitterGurl was born. I'm selfish, it sucked, Yeah it was a nice vacation spot, but who can vacation every weekend? Sorry to hear about your impending divorce. It'll be ok, I promise.
I don't even try to figure out my folks anymore... Although the last thing they'd do is leave their house here in Missouri.
ReplyDeleteI wish you well and your mom. She looks like a spunky one.
J.
My parents moved down to Florida a few years ago... Now I'm lucky if I see them once a year. I still haven't been to their house. We've been to Florida twice since they moved... once they ended up coming up HERE while we were down there... and the second time we met them someplace else.
ReplyDeleteOf course they just got on Facebook so they'll be able to harrass me that way. Woot.
I can totally relate to your conflicted feelings. About 10 years ago, my parents up and moved to Costa Rica. I was a grown woman (25) but still felt totally abandoned. I wanted them to be happy, but I couldnt help think things like "where will I spend thanksgiving now?" etc. They have since moved back to the states and I havent seen them since my 18 month old was born.
ReplyDeleteBut I do agree... being so far apart (almost 3000 miles!) does have it's advantages too. And since you dont know if she is going to make this move a permanent one, I am going to tell you what my mother would say to me (as in one of mama's offical pearls of wisdom): don't borrow trouble! ;P
Oh Stacie, I'm with you. I live away from my mum (which was because I moved and then got married...not her fault!) and it is hard on a day to day basic BUT the holidays are amazing! We get to spend really concentrated quality time together and with my daughter and it's really special. I definitely think we've had better amounts of quality time than we would have being near one another by the time you factor in work, routines, gym etc...
ReplyDeleteBut hey, I think I missed something, perhaps when I was on hols. I didn't realise there was divorce in your world. are you OK?
I can understand your feelings. You care for her and want what is best for her. Everything will work out for the best - who knows! You might move to AZ too! After all that snow, I'm sure it's tempting...
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your conflicting emotions. I hope she's happy there and I hope she miss you all so much she's at least a tiny bit miserable. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's good what you are doing--writing down your thoughts and then letting go. Mom is a big girl. She'll manage. And maybe things will be just great. Living in the day is the best way to live.
ReplyDeleteI hope with whatever happens, comes happiness for the both of you.
ReplyDeleteThis post totally hit home for me. My mom is in the process of selling her house right now. Closing date is set for the 22nd and she will be moving away also. Not as far as your mom, but about 2 1/2 hours away. Considering that she lives 10 min away as of now, that SUCKS!
ReplyDeleteI am trying to be strong for her. Tell myself that I want her to be happy and so on and so forth, but I am having a hard time dealing with it too. The day she leaves is going to be one of the toughest days of my life thus far. :(
Wishing you all the best. Hang in there.