I am stuck in the middle of two people I love, not because they are putting me there, but because my heart breaks for them both.
Back in October, my Mom told me the news that I had known was coming. Her and my step-dad, B, were getting a divorce.
I knew at the time that is was more of my Mom's decision than it was my step-dads. I have done pretty well trying to stay away from the topic as much as I can.
Last night I called,my Step Dad, B (lovingly known by my kids as GrampB or Grampy), to let him know about an upcoming event honoring Buggy's artwork this weekend. I got his voicemail so I left a message.
A few minutes later he called back. The normal greetings were shared, Hi and how are you? LOADED QUESTION I found out very quickly. The man broke down over the phone, crying so hard that he couldn't even speak.
Shit. I thought, what did I just get into? What happened? Why did I ask how he was doing? It's a normal question right? Most of the time you expect others to say Fine even if it isn't true, don't you?
Through his tears, he says he will just call me back later.
Yet, when he did, the tears weren't gone. His pain boiled through the phone. My heart breaks for him and there is nothing I can do about it. I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I searched for words.
There are no words, I can't speak for my Mom's actions. I can't speak for feelings that aren't my own.
When I did try to console I only felt like I was betraying my Mom. I felt stuck in the middle of a situation that I have been trying to not stick myself into.
I know his intent was not to put me in the middle and I know his intent was not for me to answer his questions of WHY, but I felt torn.
Pieces of me are being ripped apart by THEIR divorce. I don't know how many pieces of my heart can be divided to still remain intact.
I love them both, but I can't do or say anything to change the situation. The feeling of helplessness is unbearable. The heartbreak is inevitable.
Mine is breaking FOR them.
oh honey I'm sorry
ReplyDeleteYou are perfectly right to defend, love, console both sides. And as long as neither of them put you in a situation where they really are trying to make you take sides then it will be ok. It sucks, it really does. But there's nothing more you can do but be there for either of them.
I feel for you babe!
I'm so sorry! What an awful situation to be in. I agree with everything Stacy said. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest, that just sucks! I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I try to imagine if my parents were to ever divorce and I honestly don't know how I could deal with it.
ReplyDelete{Hugs}
ReplyDeleteLife sure sucks sometimes doesn't it. Chin up at least it's warm-ish today.
Stacie, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be something in the water. Two people just told me they're getting divorce to.
ReplyDeleteMy parents have been together so long that I couldn't imagine one being able to make it without the other.
I know I'd be just as torn as you if they did split.
The worst part is that you can't do anything but sit and watch it unfold.
Wow. That is tough. Nothing wrong w/ siding with both people. I found myself aligned with one side and months later I'd do a 180 when I went through that. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you. I don't think there are any wrong words. Just listening is a gift. Funny, as we get older, we don't just worry about our kids, but our parents too. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Stacie. It sounds as if you just tell both of them that you love them and then let them deal with whatever they have to. I don't think that picking sides is good in situations like this. There are no winners.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel in the middle of it all. I hope it all goes as peacefully as possible.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, this makes my heart break for YOU!
ReplyDeleteTo his questions of why you can only say "I'm not the one who can answer that" and to his sobs you can say "I am so sorry you are hurting" and all the other times you can say "I will always love you."
There really isn't anything else.
He just needed to vent to someone..you asked the right question. You can still have a listening ear without betraying your mother...I'm sure she will understand. You have a good heart, and you seem the kind of person easy to talk to.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I hope you can find a way to be true to both of them. I imagine it's very difficult for you.
ReplyDeleteOh man, Stacie. That's a rough situation.
ReplyDeleteThat is tough...
ReplyDeleteI sort of know where you are coming from. I have a tumultuous relationship with my mother... I love her to death, yet she continuously makes bad decisions and I end up mothering her. Yet I feel the need to defend her actions to others, because she IS my mother.
Hang in there hon.
That's a really unfortunate situation...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're dealing with it, and I'm sorry i don't have some wonderful words of wisdom for you.
I'm sending you big hugs and positive thoughts...
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ReplyDeleteWell doggone it, that's a real crappy set of situations you got there Stacie. I'm hoping for the best for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteJ.
Ugh, it never fails to affect all those around it, does it?
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, that is a tough place to be. for you and for him.
:)
OH, my heart literally broke just reading this post. Good luck, and my god, do stay out of it as much as possible. Just make sure they both know you love them and want them in your lives continuously. Divorce fucking SUCKS.
ReplyDeleteoh, that just stinks. i'm sorry that you have to deal with that too. hugs...
ReplyDelete