Warning, profanities bound to follow

Michelle passed away last night.

Five minutes before I got there.  I'm not upset about missing her last breaths.  I don't think I could handle being there for that.  She was surrounded by her family and us friends were there minutes after.

Fuck.

We knew it was coming and I am thankful that she is no longer in pain.  I am thankful for her family, they can now stop spending their days wondering if it's the last.

Fuck.

Fuck.
Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

Carry on.

my heart hurts

Even worse, is the pain behind my eyes.

Michelle, has stopped eating.

Maybe that explains my insatiable hunger lately.  Could I be eating HER portions out of the pain I feel for her family?

If I even think about it all for longer than a second I will be a pool of tears on the ground.  This is just too much to handle and I'm not her child, I am not her husband, I am not her parents.  Thinking about their pain is just unbearable.

Cancer sucks.

So. My friend is dying.

Sorry for the mood killer title.


Due to chemotherapy not being effective, fluid around her heart and the cancer spreading to her bones, doctors have have referred her back to hospice to do comfort care for the rest of her fight against cancer. 


Really though, once Hospice is called in is it a fight at all?  No.


It's a throw in of the towel...and it really sucks.  Comfort care.  Where is the comfort in knowing there is nothing left to do but wait to die?  

At 36.

A mom, to two kids, 11 and 3.

A wife, daughter, sister, and friend.

Her life as she imagined it, will never come to fruition.

Her husband is hanging in there.



Her kids are managing.

Their family is in my thoughts everyday.

Photos by me.

Relay for Life.

OK, so here's the deal. I've been challenged to raise $48 online in 48 hours for Relay For Life.

Donating is quick and easy - and any amount, no matter how small, WILL make a difference in the fight against cancer.

Can you help me out?

Skip the java this morning and donate the $5. If you pack your lunch you could donate $10.

Every bit helps!

Click to donate. Thanks


****

About three years ago a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

She is a year younger than me.

This May she went in for her recheck.  She was cancer free.

Since that appointment however, she had been sick with bronchitis...or sinus infection...or something other than what was REALLY the issue.

When she went to the hospital for the second time it was because she was passing out when she laid on her left side and was having issues breathing. 

The doctor finally did some testing on her lungs and what they found caused them to do a P.E.T scan.

That P.E.T. scan has confirmed six spots on her lung.

She has lung cancer.

I am just speechless.  I am just sad.  I am angry.

I feel helpless, but I can walk and I will walk. 

You can walk or donate...or both.

My friend finds out what stage the cancer is on Friday, ironically the same day I'm walking.

Find a walk in your area...  http://www.relayforlife.org/relay/findevent




















See my other posts about Relays from previous years...here and here