Guilty

I have an overwhelming sense of guilt today.  There's a pit at the bottom of my stomach.

Maybe it's all the Easter candy I've already consumed.

Maybe it's because it's going to be Easter and I'm thinking about family that I don't see or talk to much.

Maybe it's because there was a death in my extended family...and that circles back to the family I don't see or talk to much.

Maybe it's all of the above...whatever it is, today I'm feeling really guilty.

Maybe I should buy myself something really nice...but then I'd probably feel guilty about that too.  I would definitely have some buyers remorse.  It would last as long as it would take to ship it, because once it was in my hands, I think I could forgive myself.

I think that I will make some phone calls to those I haven't talk to in a while, I will leave that "present" in my cart through Amazon for some more eye candy, I will get an estimate to fix my van (if there's money left over maybe I will consider the purchase) and I will get some bunny shopping done today. 

Maybe then I will feel better.

Why I might NOT be considered a Mommy Blogger....

There are titles out there for us bloggers. I am not sure that this blog, or me for that matter fits into any of those titles or categories.

I'm gonna say this...and you can think what you want about me, but sometimes...

*looks around*

Sometimes, I don't like being a Mom.

I know, I know. That's pretty scandalous.

It's work, yo.  It's hard work, especially dealing with Bubba.



This weekend is Mother's Day.  If you didn't know.

Mr. F's ex will be out of town for Mother's Day, he can't fathom a mother NOT wanting her children on Mother's Day.  He wouldn't want to be without his children for Father's Day.

I, however, fantasize (not in a kinky way) about what she is doing instead of being with her kids.

Beach?  Drink in hand?  No whining, no bickering, no smarting off.

Sorry, but THAT sounds divine.  That sounds like a great way to spend a day for yourself.

Is that wrong?  I don't think so.

We all celebrate in different ways.

It is not my weekend to have my kids, however, I have asked that they be brought home early on Sunday so that we can do SOMETHING together.

Here is how I want the day to go:

Kids and I go to the local home store and buy flowers for our outside pots.
We go home together get our hands in the dirt, plant the flowers, laugh, and enjoy each other.

Here is how the day will PROBABLY go:

Kids and I go to the local home store, they ask me to buy them a million different things OTHER than flowers.
We go home, get our hands in the dirt, someone will tick the other one off, dirt will fly, yelling will ensue.  Flowers will be broken, someone will end up in time out (and I will wish I was in a time out...on a beach, with a drink in my hand, enjoying the peace and quiet).

Yes. Happy day.  Happy happy day.  I can't wait. 

Naked

Yesterday's post has me feeling naked. Burr, is it chilly in here? :)

Even though there was a post yesterday, I was OUT of the office, thanks Blogger with your "scheduled" post thingy. Worked nicely, no?

So where was I you ask? YOU DID ASK DIDN'T YOU?

Mostly I was in hiding after that last post...as I said, I felt naked and well, I am still not THAT comfortable with my naked self.

Our schools were out yesterday and today for Fall Break, so Buggy's Brownie troop decided to do a "Boo" Camp for the day.

(Funny story, one of the troop leaders called to make sure I was really coming (they must have been scared I was going to back out or something cause they called a few times) and she says, hey! You are coming to Boot Camp, right? Boot Camp? I said, oh no, what have I signed up for? To which she quickly laughed and spelled out B-O-O camp, not B-O-O-T camp. *whew* In that case YES I will be there)

I haven't been able to attend many Brownie things because they are all scheduled during my working hours (guilt of a working mom) so I took a vacation day and went along.

It was a cold morning (and not just cause I felt naked...I think I am going to see how many times I can say naked in one post, cause saying naked is much more fun that actually BEING naked for realz) Buggy and I bundled up in a million different layers and headed to the camp.

There were about 50 girls in all so it was quite shrilly with girl voices. Instead of keeping the troops together they wanted to mix them up to meet new girls. I think to myself, oh great, you take a vacation day to be with your daughter and they are going to force introduce her to others. LOL. However, they asked the girls if their moms were there did they want to be in their groups, as I sat back waiting for the rejection of my child, she quickly ran over to my group and hugged me. :) All was good, the day was not wasted.

Throughout our day the girls got to meet new girls, make fun crafts, eat pizza and cookies and play games. When it was time for our hike we had a leader (not sure if she was another mom, a worker at the camp or what, what I do know is she was a little kooky) as we grouped around her she hold out her hand with a finger puppet of a hummingbird on it and starts talking in this really soft voice.

"Girls" she whispered. "I am wearing this hummingbird to let you all know about my name, today, you will call me hummingbird as we go along our hike."

And you my friend Hummingbird, may call me WONDER WOMAN, cause I have always wanted to be Wonder Woman. Buggy's troop leader looked at me, turning bright red, ready to laugh asked to be referred to as Cat Woman. So we were off on our hike, Hummingbird, Wonder Woman and Cat Woman, off to see what we could see with our little birdies and kiddy super heroes following along.

By the end of the hike, we were so inspired by Miss Hummingbird that we decided we should be birds of nature too. I shall now be known as Blue Jay.

In all its cheesiness, it was a fun day. The girls loved it and made some new friends and I was really glad to be a part of it with Buggy, baby Blue Jay.

Naked count : 7 times. 8 if you include the title.

My twin...that's hot.

c'mon get morphed...found this on Adventures in Babywearing

So the aforementioned Christmas party this weekend hit a snag. Hubby has to work, BOO. I don't know why, but going out feels less guilty when Hubby watches the kids. I justify it as him needing some "dad time" with the kids. When he can't watch them I feel like I am less motherly taking the time to hang out with friends. HOWEVER, my lovely sister in law has said she would keep them overnight for us, which the kids are TOTALLY excited about. They love sleepovers with their cousins.

We used to do a lot more of them when SIL lived in the same town and when her and I were going to school we did a lot of babysitting for each other. This is the first time that I think the kids have had a sleepover with each other since they moved into their new house...which is almost a year now. Time flies.

So I am feeling less guilty since I can justify this as a cousin bonding time. ;)

Next weekend Hubby and I have been giving tickets to a pro-basketball game and we have a $100 gift certificate to use for dinner...sooo YAY. Again with the guilt-free babysitting search. Ah ha! My mom suggested my sister, who just moved home from Hawaii.

I did think of her originally, but didn't know if she was in the mood to do this since she use to all the time before with major grumbles. I took the chance and asked her anyway. Her response, "if I am not working I would LOVE to!" WOW, I wasn't expecting that answer. SO yay, another guilt free night, because after all, she has been out of our area for almost two years...so really she owes me...no really she needs this bonding time with my kids. HA.

Sometimes being a working mom (not that SAHMs are "working" because I know they are and I commend them because I could not be a SAHM, does that make me a "bad" mom? NAH, I think it makes me a good mom, knowing MY limitations--see how I justify myself?) I often feel guilty not being with my kids every second that I am home. Even though I KNOW it is good for me to have "me" time...and I know it is good for hubby and I to have "us" time. "Us" time is funny to me, because right now I actually am looking forward to it. As earlier posts and I am sure some future posts may suggest, I don't really want "us" time too often. He really is catching me on an UP time.

Back to the SAHM thing, I am really random today. I feel like I am better organized, as odd as that may sound, because I work. I don't think I would get much more accomplished (besides bonding time with the kids) if I were a SAHM. I don't even fantasize about staying home with them (boy I sound HORRIBLE). For their own safety and my own sanity though, I am best at work.