Guilty

I have an overwhelming sense of guilt today.  There's a pit at the bottom of my stomach.

Maybe it's all the Easter candy I've already consumed.

Maybe it's because it's going to be Easter and I'm thinking about family that I don't see or talk to much.

Maybe it's because there was a death in my extended family...and that circles back to the family I don't see or talk to much.

Maybe it's all of the above...whatever it is, today I'm feeling really guilty.

Maybe I should buy myself something really nice...but then I'd probably feel guilty about that too.  I would definitely have some buyers remorse.  It would last as long as it would take to ship it, because once it was in my hands, I think I could forgive myself.

I think that I will make some phone calls to those I haven't talk to in a while, I will leave that "present" in my cart through Amazon for some more eye candy, I will get an estimate to fix my van (if there's money left over maybe I will consider the purchase) and I will get some bunny shopping done today. 

Maybe then I will feel better.

It's 4/20

I guess it's a myth that the police code for smoking pot is 4 20.  However, it's National Pot Smoker's Day.

Just an FYI.

I'm gonna go smoke 1 random today...

Today is my friend, Chasty McNasty's birthday.  :)

*me and Chass at the Buffett concert last year...Aug 2010.

I met Chass back in 2002.  She moved to the area to live with her boyfriend.  Her boyfriend is a boy I used to babysit for *chokes*.  I know.  I more babysat his little sisters, but I was there to keep him out of trouble as well.  Anywho.  She moved to the area, not knowing anyone but his family.

My Mom was always out to introduce me to more friends.  I guess she never approved of the ones I had to begin with, but at this point in my life my two besties had moved away.  My Mom always set up playdates for me.

It was a score, cause me and that girl?  We're still friends to this day...therefore, winning.  She eventually got that boy to marry her and they moved back to her hometown.

All the good ones move away.

***

I got new tires on my van today.

My boss said it was about time, he's been telling me to get new tires since before winter.  Whateves.

They were really bad, when I drove I felt like Mohamed Ali, floatin like a butterfly...and if/when an accident occurred it stung like a bee. 

I blame my November accident on the state of my tires along with tight curve and too high of speed, but tires surely didn't help.

Boss said, "Why'd you wait so long?"

Tax returns, that's why.  I was waiting for the money to pay for the tires, along with the broken turn signal and body damage.

"Whoa, it's an exciting life when you pay for tires with a tax return check."

I know, right?  Dammit.  Thanks for pointing out the responsible humdrum of my life.  Pal.

***

We went to Bass Pro last night to see the Easter Bunny.  We all made it out alive, bunny included....wait, that doesn't sound right.  We didn't come home with a dead bunny, he was still there...alive...

Elmer Fudd : 0

Us : 1 (winning)

As we were getting ready to leave a salesman approached us about Bass Pro Outdoor Resorts.  I could feel his eyes burning into us as we were walking by...I kept my eyes diverted.

Mr.FF, who acknowledges and talks to everyone, got sucked in.

The guy started his schpeal about vacationing, yada yada.  I made a joke, or a completely obvious hint to Mr.FF, that we didn't have a life to go vacationing between four kids and sport commitments.  No one budged even though my body leaned closer to the door.

Mr.FF listens to the man and hands over the brochures to me and says, "Well, SHE'S the one in charge of our schedules." 

He walks away.

F*ck.

Now the guy has me. 

Dammit.

Overall, the trip took us maybe 30 minutes and 15 of it was spent listening to the salesman.

Good times.

*drifts off into a Smokey Mountain trip dreams*
***

I hope you all have a humping kind of day.
1) i do not really smoke...not since my college days anyway.

Dang Wabbit.

Easter Bunny pictures...Bass Pro Shop or a Cute Candy Store?


I asked this question on Facebook. People really answered it. Dumbasses.

I laughed so hard when I heard Bass Pro Shop advertise their hours for the Bunny visits.

Seriously?

*best Elmer Fudd voice*

"It's Wabbit season, and I'm hunting wabbits, so be vewy, vewy quiet!"

*Best Redneck voice* 

"Here get your picture take with the bunny; Imma get my gun."

Anyone?  Anyone?  MEH.  I find it funny. 

Maybe I'm easily amused.

And hungry for Rabbit Stew.

Just sayin.

You are a hangnail

I don't bite my nails, but I do bite the skin around my nails.

Right now I have so many hangnails (why are they called that? It's not nail that's hangin.) I bite to get rid of the extra skin, but then they get snagged and more skin is hangin. I bite more, they bleed, they sting, but they still hang around causing me constant annoyance.

YOU. (No not YOU Internet readers)

You are the hangnail of my life. It took me several years to finally "bite" you out of my life, divorce you yet you keep getting snagged causing me more annoyance. I can't get rid of you.

I knew I'd never be able to clip you out completely seeing as we have a child together, but I never imagined that even though I clipped you you'd manage to snag yourself back in and that others would feel bad enough for you to let it happen.

It doesn't matter how many times I bite, no matter how many times I clip your existence to a minimum, there you are still hangin around.

Easter morning I called my stepdad to wish him a Hoppy Easter and to let him know that we would be at Easter brunch with the family. Hesitantly he says, "I invited Capt'n Cancel to brunch. I felt bad for him because he didn't have anywhere to go and didn't know if he was going to see the kids. I hope this is OK."

Damn hangnail, I thought I bit this off already.

Back in June, before the divorce was final I had a discussion with my Aunt. She had invited Capt'n Cancel to my cousin's graduation. I explained how uncomfortable I was with him being there, she apologized and said she really didn't mean to upset me.

*hangnail clipped*

At Thanksgiving, my Uncle let it be known that HE invited Capt'n Cancel to Christmas at their house. In shock I looked at my Aunt who knew my feelings and said, "why does this keep happening?"

*hangnail bitten off*

*Cue sad violins*

Poor Capt'n Cancel.

So good at making others feel so sorry for him, so easily manipulating others to get what he wants.

When? When will MY voice be heard? When? When will this family take my clippers and clip this sad sack of a useless man out of OUR family functions?

When? Oh WHEN will this hangnail be clipped and healed for good?

How many times will I have to say to the only family that I've been close to for the last 20 years of my life ENOUGH is ENOUGH?

So there we sat, MY FAMILY, me and him at Easter Brunch. I just can't bite off that hangnail and let it heal. It's constantly being snagged and reoccurring.

Not Eggaggerating

Oh how I wish I was "egg"aggerating.

Friday night I was trying to get a head start on our Easter madness. I put the eggs on the stove to boil to be colored the next day. I remember sitting down on the couch, texting Mr.FF that I was sleepy and the next thing I knew it was 6 AM. Not only was it 6 AM, but the house smelled funny and I couldn't say for sure if it was my hazy just woke up eyes, but the house seemed to be smokey too.

*hands over mother of year award*

Yes, people. I fell asleep with eggs boiling. They boiled so long that the water was gone. They boiled so long that they burned and eggploded EVERYWHERE. There wasn't an inch of the kitchen that wasn't covered in egg.

I shut off the flame, grabbed a fiber one bar and went back to sleep. Closed my eyes hoping that it was all just a dream. A bad, smelly, smokey dream.

Two hours when I woke again, it was not a dream.

I thought of Midwest Mommy and her cooking FAILS. I couldn't help but giggle.

(Ya know after I did the THANK YOU ALL THAT IS HOLY FOR NOT LETTING MY HOUSE BURN DOWN prayer)

Buggy was eggcited to help clean the mess, eager (egger) even. We word played the eggcellent debacle away with giggles and egg eye rolls. I'm such a great eggample. We were cracking up.

Needless to say, I had egg on my face.

*budumpdump*

Our Easter

We had a good day. Lil fishin', lil kite flyin', lots o eatin'!

***Edit, pictures are of Buggy, Bubba, me, my Mom and my brother...this is JUST MY LITTLE family, which also helped make the day really NICE! :)

HAPPY EASTER

ARGH

and not the pirate kind of "argh" matey.

It is pms time so this is my monthly annoyed post. Aren't you glad you stopped by to hear my rant? :) Maybe you should wait until the end of the post to decide. :)

I just feel exhausted by the situation with my hubby. He is emotionally draining on me and I need to learn to say NO. Just say NO. We went to our first marriage counseling appointment last night, he really wanted to do this. He couldn't wait to get in there and try to work on our issues. Well, that didn't quite happen.

Upon arriving, I had butterflies in my stomach. Truth makes me nervous. I am a protector, I am a fixer (try to be) and when I step into a counseling situation, I know I am going to be honest with feelings that are going to hurt him. Feelings that are going to make him angry.

For the first half of the meeting, I stayed quiet. Hoping he would open up. Hoping he would say something that would be real. He did none of those things. He closed up, he crossed his arms, he refused to even look at the counselor. He wasn't hearing from her what he wanted and he shut down.

I am sure that isn't an abnormal response from someone, but for all the insistence he had about going, I was ticked that he just shut down. He got angry and just went back to his way or no way. He fought one year ago to keep his "right" to drink, this time he is fighting against getting help to stay sober. He wants to stay sober, but doesn't want any "program" to help him do it.

To me, that doesn't show much strength to fight this. To me it is denial still that there even is a problem. Right now he is saying what he *thinks* we (or me) want to hear. He is good at that, but not that convincing that it is what he really believes to be true.

I don't think he got what he wanted out of this session...and quite frankly, neither did I. I don't go there to have him close down all communication lines and bottle up. I left feeling drained AGAIN. Feeling like I was driving up against a brick wall and my body can't take much more of it. Eventually, I am going to break.

SO, stress from the weekend has caused my cold to resurface. I am wiped.

So much to my dismay, I was hoping to escape through my reality tv addiction last night. I curl up with some popcorn, turn on the dvr, start watching Idol. *yawn* fest...AGAIN. Is it my mood, or are they just dull?

I was happy to see Michael Johns have a good night.

I think David Cook did well, but being from the Michael Jackson time, I had a hard time hearing the song sang that way. I thought it was cool, but I was also a little puzzled.

I still adore Jason, but did they HAVE to remind me how young he is?

Brooke is genuine. I agree she should have just stayed with her on the piano.

Carley, was ok, predictable.

Syesha...she showed some of her great voice, but I wasn't all that thrilled with it.

Kristi...SMART SMART CHOICE. That song gives me chills no matter who sings it...well, unless that "she bangs" kid sang it, I might not get chills then. She did a good job and it was a good song choice for her. She might not be in the bottom three this week...for once.

David Archuletta's song??? never heard of it and I agree with Simon, where were the Disney characters? It reminded me of an after school program teaching kids to stay away from drugs, to not talk to strangers...etc.

My pick for the bottom two are Ramiele, as much as I want her to do better she just isn't, I think she needs more experience and coaching with her voice. The other bottom one I think is going to be Chekezie...as Simon said, it was cheezie. ;)

There.
Bitchiness out. Be gone mood.

Some niceness....our Easter was nice, kids had a good one and Mom's food was GREAT. :) I will share pictures soon as I find time to upload them. I hope you all had a great holiday as well.

Good Friday and Easter Weekend.

I love that cartoon. Hilarious.

I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend!!!