BURN turkey BURN

Some times, just some times...I think I'm pretty darn clever.

Except I'm not.

For example, MR.FF had a cake he had to get done.  Seeing as football started, etc, I thought let's get a head start.

Good intentions.

So we did.  I cut up fondant, basket weaved the shit, covered it and put it aside.  It was a week in advance.

Come time to put that damn fondant on the cake and WAM...starts cracking, fall apart and he had to scrap it all.  Straight into the garbage.  Meh.

Fast forward to the following week, football schedule starts, full force, practicing every week night.   I get all WISE and decide to cook dinner a night ahead of myself.  Cook it, put it in the fridge and then the following night we warm it up and viola DINNER.  Then do it again so I am always a night ahead of myself.

Good intentions.

I warmed up the chicken from the night before, served (literally, I need a waitress tip in this house) the kids, sat ate.  Cleaned up the dinner mess and started dinner for the next night.  Tacos.  Put the meat on the stove (what?) got the kids to bed and sat down with a huge sigh on the couch to watch Big Brother or something.

Next thing I know, it's 2 in the morning, the smell of burnt turkey burger seeping into my dreams.

DAMN IT.

I opened my eyes, sleepily walked toward the kitchen still not realizing what I had done.  There on the stove, a pan sat with smoke piling out from under the lid.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Surprisingly the smoke detector wasn't blaring.

Oh, wait.  No that's not surprising because remember how I said, I'm not really that clever?

Yeah.  A few days before this incident the battery was going dead in the smoke detector and the damn thing would not quit beeping.  Of course, I popped open the casing and took.the.battery.out.

I have yet to replace it.

If a fireman would like to come over and spank me for my negligence contact me for my address.

Just sayin.


OOOOHHHH YEEAAAAHHH.

I've digressed.  Big time.  Now I can't even remember the point to this post.
*goes back to reread*

Ah yes.  Some times being proactive is much more damaging than to just take things as they come (digressing again?).

Just like the eggsplosion...AGAIN, I am so thankful to not have burned down my house.  I need to stop testing fate.

Why I might NOT be considered a Mommy Blogger....

There are titles out there for us bloggers. I am not sure that this blog, or me for that matter fits into any of those titles or categories.

I'm gonna say this...and you can think what you want about me, but sometimes...

*looks around*

Sometimes, I don't like being a Mom.

I know, I know. That's pretty scandalous.

It's work, yo.  It's hard work, especially dealing with Bubba.



This weekend is Mother's Day.  If you didn't know.

Mr. F's ex will be out of town for Mother's Day, he can't fathom a mother NOT wanting her children on Mother's Day.  He wouldn't want to be without his children for Father's Day.

I, however, fantasize (not in a kinky way) about what she is doing instead of being with her kids.

Beach?  Drink in hand?  No whining, no bickering, no smarting off.

Sorry, but THAT sounds divine.  That sounds like a great way to spend a day for yourself.

Is that wrong?  I don't think so.

We all celebrate in different ways.

It is not my weekend to have my kids, however, I have asked that they be brought home early on Sunday so that we can do SOMETHING together.

Here is how I want the day to go:

Kids and I go to the local home store and buy flowers for our outside pots.
We go home together get our hands in the dirt, plant the flowers, laugh, and enjoy each other.

Here is how the day will PROBABLY go:

Kids and I go to the local home store, they ask me to buy them a million different things OTHER than flowers.
We go home, get our hands in the dirt, someone will tick the other one off, dirt will fly, yelling will ensue.  Flowers will be broken, someone will end up in time out (and I will wish I was in a time out...on a beach, with a drink in my hand, enjoying the peace and quiet).

Yes. Happy day.  Happy happy day.  I can't wait. 

One on One, I'm better.

I just am much better when there's just one...

There are so many times that I think, MAN! I rock this mom business...when there is only one of them.

When there are two, I feel more like I am a referee than a participant in their lives. Buggy knows how to push Bubba's buttons and Bubba, well, he's a handful and even more so when his sister is around.

When we were in Arizona my mom and I were sitting outside talking. She had just finished off a half bottle of wine and started in about my kids. Bubba's behavior, Buggy's weight, she went on and on about their "issues". She babbled about her concerns for an hour.

I like hearing advise about what I could be doing better, about things that others observe good and bad. However, after an hour and a half bottle of wine later (her drinking, not mine...and now that I think of it, maybe I should have had a drink too maybe then I could have had a better rebuttal.) I had heard enough.

I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said, "Mom, I hear you, and I appreciate your concerns, but I can't sit here and listen anymore. If you have suggestions as to how I could improve I am willing to listen, however, all you've done is babble about what you see as wrong. You have no constructive criticism, you have no tips on how I can be better."

"I know, honey, hell, look I wasn't and still am not the best mother in the world, but I just see things and want you to be aware." She said.

"Oh, well, thank you. I am aware. What I am not aware of is how to correct the situation."

"Yeah, me either." She sighed.

I filed most of the conversation in my whatever file, but one thing stung enough to still be on my mind since returning.

She said, "I see you repeating my, for lack of a better word, mistakes."

*gulp*

I strive to be better, not the best, not perfect, but BETTER than what I felt my parents were in my life.

Growing up, from what I remember and have been told, I was the "perfect" child, but that is in comparison to my brother who had and still has tons of issues and lack of good judgement.

The reason I was "good" was because it was EXPECTED of me, I constantly took the backseat, hands folded in my angelic way on my lap. So much of my Mom's time was devoted to putting out the fires my brother created. I was praised for being good, he was punished for being naughty.

My good behavior got me (little) attention, but the negative attention (much more) my brother "needed" put me on the back burner. I did as I was told, I did what would please others, hoping that if I did enough I would also get the attention.

MY mom sees this same pattern happening with Buggy and Bubba. I have to say, she just might be right AND THAT HURTS.

*bigger gulp*

After returning home, I talked to Buggy about the attention she gets and/or doesn't get. I told her I miss her and want to have more time with her. I apologized for the time that Bubba sucks away from us and that I want to do something to change that.

So far, all I've come up with is a later bedtime.

Buggy and I walk Bubba to bed, tuck his punk ass in and then "pretend" to send Buggy to bed as well. If we don't pretend he will ruin our time throwing a fit until she is in bed. We walk into her room, turn on her radio, make loud good night kisses, shut off the light and tip-toe out to the living room.

She is loving the sneakiness of it all, which isn't the message I want her to get, but we have enjoyed at least an extra half hour a night together, just her and I. She chooses what we do. Watch TV, play Wii, read, whatever she wants.

Tomorrow, we are dropping Bubba off at Capt'n Cancel's (HOPEFULLY) and heading to a Brownies trip together...we are pretty excited about it.

Small steps, I know, but hopefully they are big enough in her eyes for her to know I care.



This being a mom to two kids...is a lot harder than I would have expected at times.

Oh no she didn't.

This is kinda like a Not Me Monday....but this time it really wasn't me...so I'm making it a NO SHE DIDN'T *rotates head with finger in the air* day.



We have busy schedules. The kids do, which makes my schedule busy. It has always been busy, this is nothing new. Add to the "normal" busy, now we have the different dad's schedules, and this one is here, that one is there, sometimes they are everywhere together.

Birthday invites flood my kids' folders, I check the date, check who the kid was having the party, and go from there.

OH, Suzy. Don't know her or her mom...check the calendar, nope Buggy is at her dad's. RSVP- Not attending.

Bubba has had his fair share as well.

OH Garrett. I *know* that boy and have seen his mom...check the calendar, nope baseball that weekend. RSVP- not attending.

I have always had issues of LEAVING my child at a party when I don't know the mom. If the mom and I have run into each other at daycare, baseball, dance class, etc, and I've had a good feel of them...then that is "knowing" them to me.

My gut is usually not wrong in my observations of these mom's when I've seen them at different venues.

Anyway...point...This past weekend Bubba was invited to a birthday party. I checked the name, OH Parker, ok, we've seen him through soccer, baseball, school, daycare...hmm, OK this could finally be a party that the boy can attend. Check the date, yep, he's with me that weekend. RSVP- will be attending.

Bubba was excited. Buggy and I were excited to have some girl time.

This was going to be the first party I left Bubba at alone.

We show up, gift in hand, to the bowling alley. I see the Mom, she says to go throw our coats in the birthday room and come back out for bowling.

*crickets*

OUR coats? I say to her, "Do you need me to stay? I can stay if you need me to, it's not a problem..."

"OOOhhhh, no, I have my Mom here to help, I am sure it will be fine. IF the kids get too bad, I will just hit the bar and get a beer." She says as she nudging me out of the door.

*crickets*

Ok, she's kidding. I am sure...but coming from the family and marriage I do...that's not funny and has happened in my own life a time or two.

I reluctantly agree, but left her my cell phone JUST IN CASE it got to be too much. I stress that Buggy and I were just going to hang around town until the party was over.

"Nooo problem, he will be fine." She assures me.

I grab Bubba's hands, got down to his eye level and firmly said, "Stay with Parker's Mom, LISTEN to Parker's mom, and behave, even if the other boys are misbehaving, YOU behave."

With a nod of his head, Buggy and I left.

(side note, we had a good time, just us girls)

After lunch, hair cut and meandering around Barnes and Noble, we headed back to the bowling alley. We were one half hour EARLY...so I pop in a dvd in for Buggy to watch and I step out of the van to smoke.

Three drags into the smoke, I see Parker's mom exiting the bowling alley with her oldest child and another adult hands full with the leftover cake.

I am sure the shock was written all over my face, she quickly yells over, "hey! Bubba is inside with my husband and a couple other kids. I have another birthday party I have to throw together so I'm getting out of here."

*oh no she didn't*

"Doesn't the party end at 3:30???" I yell back, confused. I double check my watch. Yep. It's only 3:00.

"OOOOHHH yeah, but it's pretty much done...so..."

*raises eyebrows*

I ran in and got Bubba. As we were driving home I start to fume about it all.

SHE HAD MY CELL PHONE NUMBER...why not call and let me know she was wrapping things up if I was able to come and get him early???

Seriously?

I left my son WITH HER...not her husband. She scheduled the party from 12:30-3:30, SHE should have been staying...not over scheduling herself.

*sigh*

I would NEVER...and I mean that!!

T.I.M.E.

Last night I was watching the ever informative and important From G's to Gents.

There was a bit on there that had me laying in bed sighing....and not in the way that this makes me sigh.

Mr. Bentley's mom was on there and she was telling the newly "Gents" how kids spell love... TIME.

Isn't that OUTSTANDING?

Love to kids = TIME

Who knew this show could be so stinking RIGHT and informative. See yo? Don't judge a reality TV show by the network it's on (or something along those lines).

Right?

Kids just want our time...that's all they care about...they don't care about how many Webkinz they have or pairs of jeans they don't have or any of that...they only want our TIME.

Novel idea.

Going through the kids' rooms to declutter and prepare the house for viewing, I realized just how much STUFF my kids have...and I wonder, why I think they NEED all that stuff. It's ridiculous. Toys, clothes, so much of it all. It's not that necessary. Nice, yes, that I've been able to afford it and get them things that they want, but soooo not necessary.

This living in access is just exhausting. Makes me wonder, what am I trying to fulfill by GIVING so much? Do I feel like I am only loved for WHAT I have instead of WHAT I AM? Am I trying to show my kids love in the form of THINGS...cause that is not what I want to do...

TIME...that is something I do want to give them and I can give that without breaking the bank. I'm going to work on that.



Food for thought. Happy Wednesday.

It's Monday YO

Thanks for all your really sweet comments and hugs yesterday. Right after I hit send on the post, I got my butt up from the computer chair and I cleaned my house. It actually felt good. Also, I got my lovely monthly visitor, so that kinda helps explain the mood (or gives me an excuse for feeling crappy) I hope now that she has her flow on (sorry guys, tmi?) that I will be in a much better mood. Well, I will try to be. :)

****
Over the weekend Hubby had a poker party at our house (which is a whole 'nother grrr for me), Buggy was at her dad's house and Bubba and I decided to go and spend the night with a dear friend of mine.

This girl and I could be like peas in a pod, we seriously think a like on so many levels, it is kinda scary. Her Hubby really loves her, and loves his kids and it was really nice to see how their dynamic was at home. I found myself sitting back and just watching the show.

They are real. They aren't all lovey on each other, but they just seem to get each other, they bicker, but don't seem to hold it against each other (much). It was just fun to watch.

Their children are absolutely adorable.

Their daughter, who is four, is one of the most sweetest kids around. It shows how wonderful I think her parents are because when she talks, she sounds just like them. As I was walking out from her bedroom (she let me sleep in her bed, she slept on an air mattress in her parents' room) she says in her morning voice, "How did you sleep, Stacie?"

Isn't that the sweetest thing? I just oozed mushiness. It got me thinking about my own children and how they speak. It is a DIRECT reflection on me. (and hubby, not letting him off the hook on this one)

Case in point, Bubba biting my leg, Bubba screaming the minute he wakes up. Seriously, the boy, is teetering on the ledge of naughtiness every minute. Not to say, there aren't moments of pure sweetness, but they are becoming farther and farther apart.

Buggy, she is pretty good, but you can hear the note of snottiness in her tone too, more times than not. Especially when she is talking to her brother. Most of the interaction between the siblings I chalk up to sibling "love", but lately she has taken the same tone with me. It is not fun, however, so many times, her tone, sounds JUST LIKE ME.

I hope that once we are settled in our own life as a mom and two kids, that these things can be improved upon. As much as I try to change them NOW, sometimes it just doesn't come across the right way. Having another parent in the house that undermines, that is complete opposite than I just makes it difficult to hold consistency and rules.

So that is one positive thing I am looking forward to with all the changes that are coming my way. I really hope that I can form some sort of consistency in our home life, even though they will be at their dad's on weekends, I hope that OUR home life becomes a little more quiet, a little more patient and a little more as I dream it can be. Not perfect, but BETTER than it is now.

Two Faced!?!?

I will admit to TWO personalities that I have found in myself.

I am a different person when I am in my role as mom.

I am a different person when I am in my role as wife with kids.

I sometimes am a different person when I am wife with no kids around...though this seems kinda normal.

Let's see if I can explain.

Things I find funny, but not when I am in Mom role:
Farting. Ok, I do find that funny in mom role too. Let me try again.

If a friend sharted, I would find this endless amounts of belly laughing...after, of course making sure they weren't anywhere near me. Sharting in the mom role? Not so fun, I have to clean that up.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am a fun person, when I am not being mom. I really am a fun person...but can't seem to fuse "fun" Stacie with "mom" Stacie. Even when I let go a little and try to have FUN with my kids instead of WATCHING them have fun, I don't know, it just gets ugly. Kids start freaking out that I am acting all "not momish" and start backing away slowly.

For example, a few days ago it started POURING outside, rain was coming down pretty hard. I said to the kids, "hey, want me to push you in the rain?"

Both looked at me perplexed.
"What?" I asked. "I am not going to push you down, just give you a nudge into the rain!"

(starting to see this as a scary thing instead of a fun thing, but my intentions were in fun)

Finally, Bubba, said, "yeeaaaa!" in his most believable I dare you tone.

I opened the door, stepped out onto the deck and summons him to follow me. His eyes were sparkling with anticipation...once outside the door, I gave him a little push. Right into the rain he went. He barely got wet, but he was so mad, that steam came pouring out (or maybe the rain was a little cold). He shoved me out of his way back into the house as I giggled. He slammed the door on me and started throwing a major fit.

What? I was just trying to have fun. Geez, back to being MOM and calming the fit down. Whatever. Isn't playing in the rain fun? I think so. Maybe next time I will do it without the pushing, baby steps.

So on the wife front, this was brought to my attention this past weekend. A friend of mine stopped by my mom's party on the 4th. He came with his two boys and seeing as he didn't know very many people I kinda stuck by him and talked about whatever. Seriously the comments I got after he left, were CRAZY.

My brother, Mr. Tattoo, says, "Damn, Stace, I mean, I know you got balls cause your my sister and all, but that was BALLSY!"

I thought, damn, what did I do, something cool? NO...he was referring to my friend being there IN FRONT OF Hubby. WHAT?!?!

HAHAHAHA, I started laughing. That's ballsy to have a friend here, in front of my hubby? NO, what would be ballsy is well, doing something sexual with said friend or whoever in front of hubby, THAT would be ballsy...and well, since that isn't happening I think I shall retire the ole ballsiness. Thankyouverymuch.

Oddly though, my brother wasn't the only one to comment. It got me thinking...why CAN'T I laugh and talk to my hubby like that? Why can't I smile and shoot the breeze with him? WHY is it funny when a friend says something totally inappropriate but if my hubby did (and he does) I get all mad?

Are there different rules to being a friend and being a wife, shouldn't I be able to mesh the two?

Is there a fine line in being responsible and being a fun mom and wife? I know being responsible is a good trait, but being uptight and no fun isn't.

With Hubby's alcoholism, I have often had to be the "grown-up" and be the one responsible. Now that he isn't drinking will I be able to relinqish that role? Will I be able to let go and just have fun?

On the same note, not only have I assumed the responsible role, but my Mom pointed out several times over the weekend that she wasn't "Grammy" because she was in her party mode. She wasn't on Grammy duty. So clearly she separates the person she is from the Grammy that she is...hmmmm, see the pattern here?

I don't know, but I would like to try being a little more relaxed and having a little more fun in being a mom, in being a wife. Maybe those around me won't be so surprised when they see my "friend face" come out more often.