man oh man
Wasn't the Heart and Fergie performance on Idol Gives back HOT? I thought it was. I love Heart and I like Fergie, but seriously, it was awesome duet. If I were a man I totally would have popped one over Fergie doing those flips on stage and that OUTFIT. Holy canoly.
I also enjoyed Mylie Cyrus, how cute is she? The skit with her and Billy Crystal was cheesy, but it really was cute.
What was with the bandage on Colby's eye? Bad zit? Wife knock him in the face with her ring?
So speaking of HOT Heart...hubby and I are doing ok. Still living apart, still searching for the answers.
He has remained sober since leaving the home, he has attempted a couple of AA meetings. I am skeptical, but that is my nature with him. I have not been able to count on him since day one so it is hard to actually try to count on him now.
Why is it that we can WANT something so much, but when we are faced with it, it scares us? Or maybe it is just me. Is the saying, you always want what you can't have? What happens when it looks like it might start going the way you wanted?
Our marriage counselor said we need to start a new foundation to our relationship. Why does this make my heart squeeze and tears form? Foundations have cracks, ours is demolished. It is time to rebuild. As much as I want that, as much as I dream of my life having a good foundation, I haven't the slightest idea as to what work that entails. I am afraid of having things go my way. I am a fighter and what if I have nothing to fight against? Why am I wanting to fight against instead of fight for?
I guess for as long as it took me to take this step in getting him to change, I resorted to the fact (or thought) that he wasn't going to change. I have imagined my life without and came to the conclusion that I could do it without him. I have to reimagine now doing this WITH him and showing our kids what a marriage should look like. That is hard when you don't have much experience in WHAT it really SHOULD look like.
From the outside looking in on friends that appear to have it "right" they make it look so easy. Why doesn't it feel easy?
I want to say "don't worry" but that's impossible with the amount of uncertainty you're facing. Change is scary, but you did the right thing. That first step was the hardest! I admire your strength, I think your children will respect you for that too. Wish I could make it easier for you! Maybe you could stop by Staples and get one of those "easy" buttons? :)
ReplyDeleteStacie, I often find that the very couples I think make it look so damn easy are just really good actors. They usually have bigger messes than you and I combined. Marriage is not easy, if it were easy you wouldn't see so much divorce.
ReplyDeleteYou will figure it out, I promise. Time will tell which direction you will go in and you are a fighter as you said. Try to think about fighting for your marriage instead of fighting for sobriety. He's trying, that's all you can ask for and for you to be skeptical is completely normal. It's far better than being naive.
And a easy button? Sounds like a fantasticly fantastic idea. If only it were that easy, pardon the pun:-)
Love your posts, so much. This made me cry, "From the outside looking in on friends that appear to have it "right" they make it look so easy. Why doesn't it feel easy?"
ReplyDeleteBest of luck, sweetie!
I hear you on this. It os different for us of course nut we have issues. Cracks and I am the same with patching them. I want change but fear it at the same time. I know it would be good for us but at the same time would we be real?
ReplyDeleteChange is so hard.
Will life really be better once the foundation is smooth?
I wonder too.
I just found your blog and your post really touched me. As someone who had been one of those couples who looks like they have it "right" - on the inside we were falling apart. Kami's right, usually those couples are the ones who are the best actors. My hubby and I are pretty transparent about things - we are not perfect, far from it, and we have to work hard, REALLY hard, to keep it together.
ReplyDeleteI wish your hubby all the best with getting sober. I can't even imagine what it's like to work through that - but my prayers are with you.
L.
Have to tell you that we have gone through counseling ourselves. We have had settlement papers. We are now fine, but it was a hell of a journey. You can do it, but again, a lot will be up to him and his will to be sober forever. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWell, no matter how easy it may look, it isn't.....ever. Even the best relationships have cracks in the foundation. Just remember to breathe and take it one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Mylie Cyrus is freakin' adorable! I think she is proabbly one of MY favorite singers right now.
When I saw Fergie on AI, I said out loud, wow, that girl is good, betcha she wins. My kids laughed so hard they were rolling! I thought she was terrific!
ReplyDeleteAnd I was thinking, that even looks kinda like Heart... in an older wider sort of way.
I know. I'm so clueless.
Hope your counseling is going well and brings you to the arrangement that works best for your family.
I hope you find answers in your counseling sessions. I know it will take time, but in the end, whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteKimmy
OMG girl I have been gone too long! My heart goes out to you because I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My twins' father is an alcoholic and we went through a very terrible time as he tried to deal with it. I pray for strength for you during this time and I'm so proud of you for being so strong like you are right now. You have taken some HUGE steps in the right direction to get your life on a track you want it on. And this is a huge deal for your kids as well. They are seeing their Mom be strong, smart and self reliant enough to make changes when life is not right! I also pray for hubs - alcoholism is a terrible disease and destroyed my relationship with my kids' father. I hope he truly can comprehend and follow through with what he needs to do to get himself right.
ReplyDeleteMy only words of advice - BE VERY TOUGH ON HIM! No matter how hard it is, you deserve nothing but the BEST of everything, and so do your kids, and a hubby/father is nothing to skimp on - he's a very very important part to have it be right. Anywho - my heart goes out to you doll - if you need anything you know where to find me.