Tizzy

I am just in a tizzy today. So many reasons, but really it all boils down to me. Grab a coffee and sit back while I just shoot off the reasons I am all up in arms.


Things you SHOULDN'T do because it will send me over the edge.

1) Sell girl scout cookies to your buddies at work and then when they pay you, pocket the money as your OWN spending cash claiming to have saved in ATM fees...and now taking a hit to our personal account (to the tune of $200) to PAY back the girl scout cookie money.

2) Leave for a Nebraska hunting trip, but expect ME to take the kids to see YOUR mom on Thanksgiving even though I have ALREADY told you I am going to St. Louis that day. No I will not stop off, if I am avoiding MY family for the day, I am sure as hell avoiding yours as well.(No offense to the in-laws, I really do like them, but it is the principle)

so I guess that's it.

I am just fed up with SOMEONE doing as they damn well please while the rest of us *cough me cough* have to be responsible financially and "in charge" of keeping family visits in check.

There is another thing that just has me in a tizzy (I don't know why I have chosen "tizzy" as the word of the day, but big kudos to any of you who want to use it today in YOUR post. There is no award, except my undying devotion to commenting on your blog and give BIG UPS to you.)

So, if you remember, we have this whole Disney trip planned for Christmas. It literally has been the works for two years. I have saved my bonus checks for this time to help pay for this extravagant trip. I have tossed and turned about the kid's excitement to be down there on Christmas morning. I have tossed and turned about the kid's lack of excitement when "Santa" doesn't really PROVIDE the number of presents that he normally does.

When this trip was finally booked, there was the unsettling reality that hubby and I were heading down an ugly path. That our future was not for sure or definite. Yet I booked it. A ticket in his name. Merely two months later, I had finally had enough. I made up my mind. Something that had been lingering in my noggin for AT LEAST the past two years.

(right now at this point, this post can go in three different directions so I will try to stay on the original plan...and maybe take the other directions at a later time)

Now that I have made my decision to get out of the marriage and MEAN IT this time, I am left with this "family" vacation that should be dreamy and satisfying yet it isn't REALLY going to be all that.

I don't mean that it ISN'T going to be GREAT for the kids...cause I sure as hell know how to put on a HAPPY FACE for them, hell I have been muddling through that like I said for the past few years.

But, I can't help but think, shit. This is like the last supper. The LAST family vacation with me, hubby and the kids. It doesn't make ME sad, because this is my decision to leave. However, what will it present like to the kids? After it is all said and done, will they view Disney as a land of dreams and fairy tales only to be told a while after that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce?

It's like, hey kids here is a tiny family nugget you can hold onto forever because it will be the last.

Really though, maybe I am just over analyzing. The word ANAL is in the word for a reason..I am anally obsessing about what the end result of the marriage is going to do to the kids. When in actuality, I think it is going to happen much later AFTER the Disney trip so I don't think they will link the two, but I hope that isn't wishful thinking.

UGH. I am going to try to put it all aside and remember the good about this trip and hope that in the end, it doesn't come off as I am overanalyzing it to be.