HERE AND GONE

She was here just for a short visit.

Monday the kids eagerly awaited our visitor without knowing who it was going to be.  When the car pulled in I saw Bubba run over and jump into her arms.  Buggy was still in the house peering out of the window.

"Who is it Mom?" She said.

"Go outside and see."  I said.

When Buggy's eyes landed on her she went running.  I ran behind with my camera.



It's been since March that we'd seen her.  The kids had only talked to her a few times on the phone.

The trip was just too short and mixed with our schedules it was just so rushed.

As she was tucking my kids into bed last night, Bubba asked, "Why do you have to live in Arizona?"

She had no real answer.

She laid with Buggy and cried.  "Don't go back, Grammie," Buggy cried, "just stay here with us."

With tears in their eyes, they hugged.

I'd like to say, PLEASE COME BACK, but when I do I feel selfish.  She's still not figured out herself.  She still feels so lost, so torn.  The life she is creating in Arizona is not bringing the joy she had hoped, or at least not fast enough.  Her heart is still here, but she doesn't know how she fits in here or how she fits in anywhere.

She applauded me for a good job and "making it" on my own.

I am sure it was a compliment, but it's a double edge sword.  I am making it without my Mom here, but it's not that I don't need her, I tried to explain.  However, I don't want her back here until she's ready.  I don't want her back here until SHE decides that HERE is where she belongs, where SHE wants to be.

Until then, we will miss her, we will wish she were here and I will continue to hope that she finds what she is looking for within herself even if a part of us is missing and a part of her is missing us.

Who's the fool?

Yeah, so I didn't post yesterday. I'm a fool.

Bubba was a HANDFUL yesterday morning...and well, close to "that time" (tmi?) I wasn't much better behaved. We flew out of the house at least 10 minutes earlier than necessary just because I couldn't WAIT to get to work where it's peaceful.

On my way to work I get a text from MR.FF. The gist of the text was he left Rudy, his dog, out all night long by accident and he got off of the leash and they couldn't find him.

Being the LOVING AND COMPASSIONATE *cough-gullible-cough* woman that I am, I responded with a huge "oooohhhh noooo :-("

Hook, line and sinker.

Oh, but Mr.FF did.not.stop.there. Oh no.

"I think I see a pile of brown, white and black on the road" he texted.

"Oh Stacie. Onion is bailing" my phone chimed.

By this time I am about in tears. All to get slammed with a huge APRIL FOOL'S.

Now. I take back all those nice things I've said about you Mr.FF. You are NOT NICE, you are EVIL, and...and...and...you got me. BRAT!

Well, I was so distraught that I couldn't even blog.

Ok, that's not true, but I did let him think that I was really mad about it all day.

What? That's fair. I even gave him some "acceptable" April Fool's trickery, to which he laughed at the childlikeness of them, but whatever.

Anyfool's, so I didn't post yesterday that was NO joke.

Our Thursday edition of Spring Break vacation takes us to "the mountain".

"The mountain" that my Mom claims called to her, transformed her, and helped her to make some difficult decisions about her life.

"HE, is the reason I am here kids." She said as we drove to Apache Junction. "He is so majestic."

The kids giggled at her assignment of a pronoun to a THING. Just as they giggle at me naming our TV, Betsy.

I know, apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

(Betsy is a GREAT name for a TV, she talks to me, she really does...)

Apache Junction is a desolate area, lots of run down trailers, closed businesses and really dead looking. Yet just beyond all of that lays the Superstition Mountain. It really is beautiful.

"If you feel this mountain is so majestic and beautiful, why is it a HE and not a SHE?" I poked.

Have a heyday with that Frued.



We pull into Tonto National Forest, pay our fees, converse with the ranger about the pending gloom of the park. Due to economical times, the park will be closing.

SAD.



Maybe Saguaro's like THIS answer the debate between the HE and SHE naming of "the mountain".






We hiked to the mountain, it was a lot steeper than it looked. By the time we got to the first cluster of rocks, we the kids were done walking. Every where I looked it was just beautiful and seemed to go on forever.

It was on this trip that Buggy declared that she wants to be a photographer when she grows up.





This is a "thank you" to the mountain. There were all kinds of rocks stacked like this along the trail.




As sweet as this looks, he REALLY was rebuilding MY "thank you" to the mountain that he kicked over.



After our hike back to the car we drove across the street to an old gold mining ghost town. We ate "mammoth burgers" out on the deck over looking "the mountain" while a man sang country songs.



I think he's singing, "Hey little lady with the camera, wanna boot scoot boogie?" either that or he was really use to people taking his picture. He could sing, play guitar AND smile all at the same time.

*claps*


*whistles the John Wayne tune*

We went on a mine tour, learned about the gold they found, the hours they worked, the money they made. The tour guide talked about woman not being allowed to work in the mines, but that they could make more in an hour than the men did in 12 hours.

The Brothel.



Ok, this post is taking too long (TWSS), so let me end by sharing my favorite photo of the day and to say, though I didn't feel the "magic" my mother felt from that mountian doesn't mean she didn't feel it. Just because SHE was inspired to change her entire life doesn't mean I didn't give that mountain a swift kick for pulling my Mother so far from me.

*take that mountain*

Ok here is my favorite picture.


Have a great holiday weekend everyone.
HOPPY EASTER!!!

It's better than Disneyworld

This is the Wednesday portion of my trip, my much anticipated and overly thought out part the vacation.

If I had any expectations for my vacation, if there was ONE part of my vacation that caused the most concern it was THIS day.

You see, I am a planner who likes to fly by the seat of her pants in a thought out half assed sort of way.

I'm a complicated woman like that.

A few years ago when I went to Arizona, I went alone for a long weekend. Time then didn't allow for any REAL traveling to "see" Arizona. That trip was more of a glimpse into what drove my Mom to want to become a snowbird. That trip was more of a Stacie gets away for the weekend and a financially affordable couch to crash on trip.

When planning this Spring Break trip the ONE THING that I WANTED to FOR SURE do was go see the Grand Canyon. I didn't care how many told me it was just a hole in the ground, holes in the ground of that magnitude excite me. (TWHS)

Growing up my parents really didn't take us on trips to see other parts of the US.

I saw things, they just weren't my parents doings.

I want my kids to see and experience things and I want to be that driving force behind it. There is a whole 'nother world out there, I wanna show them...and selfishly see it with them and through them.

It's sort of like a bucket list.

Anyholeinground.

My NEED and WANT to go to the Grand Canyon left me worried that my expectation would not be met. I discussed my thoughts with my Mom who didn't seem to be on the same page about going.

"It will take too long to get there..." She would comment.

or

"I don't know honey, roads have been closed due to the amounts of snow. I hope you're heart isn't too set on going." She would state.

It got to the point that I started preparing myself for the disappointment. It got to the point that I started feeling like this wasn't going to happen and if it didn't happen, even though I'd be disappointed, I would still enjoy my trip and make more concrete plans next time to just STAY at the Grand Canyon to see my expectation become reality.

I talked to Mr.FF, who whipped *meow* me back on track.

"Just do it!" He'd say. "Print a map and go, whether your mom is on board or not...make it happen!"

As inspirational as the Nike advertisement quote was, I was still hesitant. However, I did take that attitude with me and stood firm on my "dream".

I mapquested the trip. It was only 3 hours and 51 minutes from Mom's. Totally doable and my mind was set to "just do it" regardless. (unless of course Mother Nature dumped her white snow on the area causing the roads to close)

DID IT WE DID *said in best Yoda voice*

The drive from Phoenix was STUNNING...ABSOLUTELY the most beautiful stuff I've ever seen. The drive was 4 hours of togetherness, a thousand games of I Spy, a hundred games of Name That Tune and a lot of excitement to arrive at our destination.

That hole in the ground?

It did not disappoint. Even Bubba's equal to the size of the Grand Canyon fit did not damper our pure amazement seeing one of the wonders of the world.

He didn't keep me from finding the humor in this sign either. *Take THAT Bubba*



As we embarked on the South Rim Trail *giggle* we made notice of the snow, the chill in the air and the different vegetation leading us to the marvel that is "the hole".


*innocent look*

After a few minutes of walking...we saw it. I had to pick up my jaw from the ground then logically and almost permanently put my camera to my face and clicked away. Here a few of my favorites from that day.









(me AND the Grand Canyon in the reflection of his glasses)


(Buggy and her "friends")

Buggy has deemed the Grand Canyon BETTER than Disneyworld.

*shocked and baffled*

Another check on that "things to do" on vacation, aka my "bucket list".

*score!*

Rain or shine...

When I was pregnant with Bubba, I joined a bulletin board of other moms pregnant and due around the same time.

Yes sorry blogging friends you are not my first go 'round with Internet friends.

We would get on the bulletin board daily and ask each other questions, talk about how we were feeling, etc. All of us anticipating the births of our lovely babies. When all were born, we continued to talk. Comparing milestones, sharing pictures, and generally getting our girl chats on.

That same group, still talks today. Our "babies" are all turning six. So seven years of conversing with these same ladies via the Internet, all of us scattered around the United States and a couple Canadians (eh?).

(Side note, they are much better at posting on our bulletin than they are at posting blogs *ahem*)

((However, I shouldn't talk because I haven't been to the board to update in months. *clears throat* HI GIRLS!!))

I've met two of the ladies from that group, one living here in Indiana and another living in St. Louis by my bestie Kimmy Sue.

This time, I was in another's backyard. I let her know via Facebook that I was going to be in neck of the woods and she excitedly said, "we MUST get together!"

Tuesday was the day!!

When we woke that morning, there was an odd, pitter patter on the roof.

Rain!! In Arizona yo.

It's been a strange winter/spring Holmes.

I texted Dre and said, "WHAT NOW???"

Kids really wanted to swim, that wasn't going to happen. My dream of the kids in the pool with Dre and I sittin pool side chatting with Mai Tei's or margaritas or daiquiris were shot. mmmm shoootttsss

Her response?

"I don't know, it's always sunny here, let me do some research on what we can do that's indoors!"

With a giggle and some time she got back to me on where we could go.

The Arizona Museum of History.

As soon as I saw her it felt like we were long lost friends that haven't seen each other for a while instead of never "seeing" each other before.

Ya know, when you talk to people online, you imagine them a certain way. Yes I knew what she looked like from pictures, but she is MUCH tinier in person than I had imagined. Tiny as in, shorter than me...and she had heels on...not only tiny in height, but like a size negative 10 or something ridiculous.

She is just as stunning in person as she is in her pictures.

And her children? GORGEOUS!!!

Her and I chatted the whole way to the museum, kids were quiet in the back of her mom mobile. Once we were at the museum the kids all loosened up and were talking, laughing and running around together.



Even though my pool side drinking idea was a no go, we did get along side this lovely gold digging exhibit. At least the water part of my dream was right on. The kids enjoyed this the most, like for an HOUR.

Where's that drink when you want/need it?







It was a great time, the museum was fun and the company was even better.

DRE...me and you? We're rooming together if our Moms in Vegas trip ever happens. :)

Take me out to the Ball Game...

We're back.

Miss us? Er, me?

Mr.FF did a phenomenal job blogging for me, didn't he?

On to our trip:

Our flight last Monday, which feels like forever ago now, was EARLY...so early that Mr. FF said it felt like we were escaping in the middle of the night. Oh how I wish I was escaping in the middle of the night for a weekend away with him.

I woke the kids around 2 am and we were on the road by 2:45 for our 5 am flight.

*yawn*

Kids were so excited, I was too.

The flight was not too bad and seeing as I got about an hour worth of sleep the night before, I was able to sleep on a plane for the first time ever. Kids napped too, thank goodness.

My mom greeted us at the airport and we picked up sister and went for breakfast. There was so much talking that I think we annoyed the waiter who just wanted to take our order and move about his day in a timely manner.

Mom had to work, so, we ate and headed to her house.

My only plan for the day was to go to a Cubs game.

I must say, we are not Cubs fans. Well, not really. I'd like to say we are fans of all Chicago teams, but with free White Sox tickets from work, we attend a lot more Sox games than Cubs. Also, Captain Cancel (Ex#2) is a die hard Sox fan, needless to say, Bubba is a Sox fan through and through.

When I laid out our t-shirts adorn with Cubs stuff, Bubba looked up at me and said, "I'm not wearing that shirt."

I explained that this may be our only shot at seeing a Cubs game and that he should just be excited to be seeing a baseball game. He reluctantly put on the shirt.



Tickets were CHEAP compared to tickets to a regular season game! The sun was shining and the temp was a perfect 80 some degrees. It was GORGEOUS OUT...ironically other friends from our area were at the game that day as well. With a few exchanges of text we met up with them.

They greeted us with a ball and marker for Bubba to get signed by the Cubs players. He really enjoyed that, but admittedly didn't know what the heck to do with this "other team" stuff.



Don't ask me who any of these players are because even after getting their autograph I still couldn't tell you their names.



Even through my exhaustion it was a fabulous start to our vacation and one "thing to do" checked off of my list of things I wanted to do for our vacation.

Next time, though, I promised Bubba that we will go to a White Sox spring training game.