Would it be wrong of me to skip Al Anon tonight and sit somewhere OUTSIDE sipping one of these?
I am feeling very...um, heart squeezed today. Does that make sense? LOL.
It feels like someone is squeezing my heart. I am guessing it is another anxiety thing...but what am I anxious about? Ok, what AREN'T I anxious about?
I feel like I should have answers about my marriage already. I should know if I want him to come back home or not by now. He isn't drinking, and isn't that what I wanted? I know I don't have to rush back into this, but I feel like, damn, he is doing his part...why don't I know what I want STILL?
I know he loves me. His change in drinking has really proved that and it scares me. Being loved scares me. I want to love him back, but feel myself holding back. I have a big wall up against something that I really do want.
I really miss my friends. When I haven't seen my friends for a while, I feel a little lost, like I am missing me. Me as a friend, me as a person.
I feel like I need some alone time, but when I get it I am lonely. I am in a constant battle with these contradiction in feelings. I am thinking that my one on one with the counselor can't come fast enough.
Bless your heart. I know how you feel about need alone time, but being lonely when it comes. I think your feelings are natural and healthy. One day at a time, right?
ReplyDeleteps - you aren't the only one wishing for deck and a marguarita today! Alas, my WW points are all burned up. :(
I think I can relate to this on some level, but about something completely different. It's easy to know what you should feel but actually feeling it is a whole other story.
ReplyDeleteYou will figure it out, I know you will.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting up with some girlfriends for a drink. Sounds like some girl time with great friends is just what you need.
Hang in there Stacie!
So much going on in your life - so many things to think about. I wish you peace, Stacie and answers when it is time.
ReplyDeleteNice to see you - take care, my friend. Kellan
You are doing your part. You're giving yourself the time you need to sort through it all.
ReplyDeleteHave a margarita!
I think that you are allowed to have a drink here and there and find some balance. Being in love doesn't mean that you have to give up your friendships or yourself.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I totally get where you are coming from...I understand. I am sorry that there is still a struggle for you and do hope you find your way.
Love is wonderful and can hurt like hell. Stay strong and enjoy a drink with friends from time to time.
The answers will come.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about you. :)
The answers will come to you Stacie...I know you will make the right choices for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteKimmy
So did you skip and go get a Cinco De Mayo drink? I need a drink too!
ReplyDeleteTake your time. It is such a big decision. I can understand how you feel about not knowing what you want. Hurt doesn't always heal, sometimes it leaves scars that never go away and are a constant reminder of our biggest fears.
On a side note...I posted, can you believe it! Stop by if you are bored :-)
Those are normal feelings, and me coming from a marriage that was once very tumultuous, I can say that you are so on with your feelings, and yes, it can be lonely as hell. Just have the Margarita.
ReplyDeletei love loneliness... too bad i know it isn't healthy for me. just go out and find an excuse to be social... you'll be happy about it later.
ReplyDeleteHappy Margarita Day (a little late)! I hope you had a relaxing night!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you. I am amazed at how open you are able to be on your blog! That should help you...it is always good to say what you are feeling out loud!