Christmas Edition and ARE YOU CRAZY????

I know I haven't posted much lately, but for some of you to THINK that the last post was my baby just shows how little I have posted...and ARE YOU CRAZY???

I am a 36 year old woman, with two kiddies, from different daddies.  Divorced TWICE.  No, that is not my baby...but it is my "baby" of photography.  It's a friend's baby and I took the picture, which is MY baby, photography.  I'm an infant in the world, but I love it...and love that my friend entrusted me to take pictures of HER baby.

Now that that's cleared up.  *ahem*

Last year, Mr.FF and I were...um..."dating" but we hadn't really come out of the closet with our relationship.  Not to the public really.  He hadn't even really fessed up to his mom who was clearly skeptical at his denial of "us". 

Christmas Eve, I did not have kids, so I stayed there, waited up for Santa to come *cough*...under the Christmas lights with plans to wake very early to go home as to not get caught there by his kids or his parents who come over early early to open presents.

Imagine our surprise when there was a knock on his locked bedroom door at 6 am Christmas morning, me still by his side.  We were busted.  His parents thought it to be pretty funny, I was mortified.  We played the charade that I had just go there for his boys sake, with his dad playing it up pretty heavily.  His mom shooting us "I knew it" looks.

This year we joked about me being there in the morning again my cheeks still reddening at the mention of last year's expose.

Though this year it was "expected" for me to be there, a new embarrassment was established, though this time on HIS expense.  We were all dishing up the ham Christmas Eve.  His mom says, "So, I was surfing around on facebook and I noticed that Stacie's relationship status says, In a relationship with Mr.FF, however your status still says single...how does that work?"

I about shit my pants.  Just a week earlier he and I had the same conversation and it got pretty heated, feelings were hurt (mostly mine) and yada yada.  (This isn't the FIRST conversation we've had about it either, cause I've blogged about it before too, here back in August for the love of Pete.)   Now to have his own mother call it out was CLASSIC.  He didn't find it as amusing.

"Yeah, I'd like to know how that works too." I said, to the giggles of his family.  His face reddened and the looks he shot his mother were meant to kill the subject or her, I am not sure which...maybe both.

"Just go in and change it for him, Stacie."  His sister said.

"No way in hell will I change it for him, he knows how to and will change it when he is ready."  I said, smugly.

He was NOT happy.  *snicker*

He has issues about changing his status.  Issues that I don't really understand, but we all have issues so I will leave him with his...but it is a knife to go to his page and see "single" especially after we've been dating for a year now. 

It is just a silly status on facebook, but it is so very important to me...I think to any woman....and I know that he likes that mine says I'm with him.

I won't lie either, when I was wrapping presents for him while he made his millionth trip to Walmart at 3 in the morning, I saw a bag from Jerrod's (of "he went to Jerrod's" Jerrod's) my heart jumped a little.*

I am not ready to remarry...and quite frankly don't know that I want to really go down that road again for a 3rd time, but I do kinda in a small way wish I had a "status/symbol" of belonging to someone, namely HIM. 

There is a line in a Pink song that reminds me of this very thing...
"Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?  Your whole life waiting for a ring to prove you're not alone."
Maybe in this case the "ring" means on the phone...but I always hear it and think of it as a ring on your finger.

Or as the song Santa Baby says,
"Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring, and I don't mean on the phone, Santa Baby..."
This one CLEARLY doesn't mean a ring on the phone...

I don't really want a ring, as in an engagement ring, or even a promise ring...but I want some symbol, some status, if you will, to prove I am with him and he with me and that's the way it is going to be. 

Silly? Maybe.  Meh.  Yeah. It's pretty silly.  Meh again.

Regardless, I can't wait to see what is gonna happen next year...what funny thing will be said, what funny thing will happen to make it another memorable Christmas with Mr.FF and his family?  To be continued, next year yo. (God willing)

*He went to Jerrod's for charms to add to his mom's bracelet...just to be clear, there was no ring purchases.

Music Monday

WE had a great holiday weekend, I hope to share all about it this week.  For today, however, just another music monday...

To get you in the mood....

one of my favs.

mmm Schweaty Balls.

BEWARE...very funny, do not take any drinks while watching you will choke.



There is NOTHING I can say after that video that doesn't come accross totally dirty.

So, happy Christmas Eve Eve. :)

Santa's my BOYFRIEND.

You said WHAAATT?

Things said at my house as of late.

buggy- why don't we send Santa Thank you cards?
me- you don't even send him a list...
***

me-that was TOXIC. excuse me.
Bubba-mom. hands off of the fiber one bar.
***

buggy- do you believe in Santa mom?
me-I believe in the magic of Santa and to believe in his magic, I'd have to believe in him.
***

buggy- (watching a Christmas classic snl program last night...haha) does Santa believe in meee???
me- if he didn't believe in you he wouldn't bring you presents.
***

me- damn mouse ate out the crotch of my santa apron. it looks like i have crotch rot now. nice.
kids- *crickets*
***

kids- when is it going to be Christmas morning?
***

buggy- is Santa fat mom?
me- he's jolly sweetie.
***

kids- stop singing so loud mom.
me- the best way to spread cheer is singing for all to hear.
kids- *loud sighs*
***

kids- do you love our tree mom? isn't is beautiful?
me- it is the.best.tree.EVER!
***

kids- mom do you think Santa will bring us palm cell phones?
me- do you think Santa is crazy? who you gonna call? Ghost busters!
***

Bubba- close your eyes mom, i have a present that I made at school for you.
me-*closes eyes*
Bubba- man, it's just a piece of paper, you are peaking!
me- *eyes still closed* I don't care what it is Bubs, I love surprises, put it under the tree, I promise to not look.
Bubs- the surprise is ruined.
***

Bubba- (said to friends) noooo my mommy didn't make you anything for Christmas. *blurts out what was made*
me- Bubba! You're ruining the surprise. One of the best things about Christmas is giving presents to our friends and family...
Bubba- i'm not very good at this whole surprise thing.
me- no, you're not.
***

kids- HOW MANY MORE COOKIES ARE THERE TO FROST??? *heavy sighs*
me- lots, keep slappin on the frosting.
***

all of us- WHEN IS IT GOING TO SNOW??? It doesn't feel like Christmas without snow.
***

Happy Holidays.

Happy Holidays...aka busy time.

I got this from Noelle (beautiful name, right?) @ elastic waistbands and comfortable shoes.

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
The remade version of Miracle on 34th Street. I probably would like the original, but shamefully I've never seen it.

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
I'm not a huge fan of How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie with Jim Carey

(3) What is your favorite Christmas Song?

O'Holy Night. I get chills every time I hear it, I especially like the Celine Dion version.

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
hmmmm....ask me again as it gets closer to Christmas...right now, I love them all.

(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink?
Coffee with flavored creamer. One time I got sooo excited because they had a peppermint patty creamer...and I love peppermint patties. It wasn't good so that sucked.


(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
The only one I can remember back to was when I got my Cabbage Patch kid, I was sooo happy. MY brother and I got up WAY early and peeked at the packages and we MIGHT have ripped the paper just enough to see what we were getting.


(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
See #6...I loved that thing..and then the horse it came in on...er I mean the Cabbage Patch Pony too.


(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
underwear and socks. WE had a practical Santa.


(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?
Watching the joy on the kids' faces

(10) What annoys you about the holidays?
When the kids' aren't expressing enough joy on their faces.

(11) Do you prefer a star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?
I love it all, but I have an angel, I adore her.


(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
My Aunt's sugar cookies are the bomb diggity.


(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?
Who. definitely


(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
In moderation, I suppose

(15) Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
Meh. Don't really care.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
yep

(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?
being with family and friends

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
this year it will be all the separation of families.

(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?
Tree will go up this weekend (usually about two weeks before Christmas) and will come down New Years Day

(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
himself...I haven't met my true love yet. I'd settle for starting there.

(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
cause she was a stubborn oldie mcolderson.

(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?
haha, um. Prancer!

(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?
I believe in the magic of Santa.

(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Cinnamon, but that can be year round...ooohhhh the Christmas Cookie candle...or fresh Christmas tree smell.

(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
hmmm. Santa stuffing my stocking with his Christmas joy.

Tuesday (winner for originality today)

I really wanted to post a Not Me Monday yesterday, but I did not.

Between WORKING and shopping online, that leaves very LITTLE time to blog.

Shameful. I know.

So, today, this beautiful gloomy snowy Tuesday, I shall tell you 'bout my weekend, mmmk. Grab your hot cocoa. K?

Friday night I had the kids, we watched a Hallmark movie, they cried which made me cry. Then we laughed because we were all such babies. The movie was A Dog Name Christmas. The movie really wasn't that sad...sure it was touching *rub rub* but what started the fountain works mixed with tiredness was how GREAT the dog was and how much the boy loved him and WANTED the dog.

*Ahem*

I was standing in the kitchen, bombarded by a crying Bubba. Big crocodile tears, streaming down his face, his bottom lip pushed out as far as his nose.

"What is the matter????" I said with a slight crackle in my voice.

No answer. I went into Momma mode, "Are you hurt? What'd your sister do?"

Buggy flies around the corner, "I didn't dooooo annnyyytthing!!!"

"Bubs, what is the matter?" I asked again as I hugged him.

"I MISS BO."

Fudge.

My guilt sympathetic tears start streaming as Buggy giggles in the other room.

By the end of the movie Buggy was crying too. So I giggled at her.

***

Saturday the kids were picked up around 12 and it was my shopping extravaganza in full effect. A friend and I were out shopping til 2 in the morning.

Being out at 2 in the morning, SOBER, is kinda fun. Actually the whole shopping was a blast. I laughed and laughed AND even bought some things.

*does cabbage patch dance*

It's going to be the best Christmas Ever!!! I love the joy of buying things, until I look at the damage to the bank account afterwards. Or the number of bags just don't seem to ADD UP to the amount you spent.

BUT, I did get some good deals...and it was a blast.

***

Sunday- WENT TO THE BEARS GAME. I bundled in 5 layers on top, two scarves, gloves, mittens and two pairs of socks. I was prepared. The only thing I could have really used was a pair of long johns under my jeans. We had blankets for our legs though.

It was a great time, I was a little groggy from the shopping extravaganza, but nothing beats seeing a bears game live. Bears won, but that was a given, right Organic Meatball?

Anyway here are some pictures I took of the stadium, I love it there, it is so beautiful to me.





Hope you all had a great weekend.

Cause...

This song is stuck in my head and as I always say sharing is caring...

Flying WITH kids

This was my first time flying with kids.
This was Bubba's first time flying ever.
Buggy flew with her daddy last year, so she knew what to expect.

The suitcases were packed, paid for and full. As we are checking in, the man weighs our bags. The big one was over fifty pounds. No wonder I was having a hard time carrying the thing across the parking lot.

The man looks sternly at us and says, "you have to unpack some of your things or pay $50.00 because your suitcase is over the fifty pound limit."

Shit.

Each kid had their own backpacks, full of stuff. Hubby had a backpack that wasn't as full. He opens the suitcase and starts shoving items into his backpack, zips up the suitcase and hands it back to the man.

Forty-seven pounds, SHEW.

Security lines with kids.
Buggy can read. She is proud of that, and so am I.
All of the signs about terrorist alerts, undesirable talk subject to removal from flight.
She reads them all, out loud.
She asks questions. I don't know how to answer them without discussing the "undesirable talk".
As I am trying to quietly and cautiously explain Bubba says in his normal voice, "ya mean like shooting and killing people?"

We filled eight buckets with all of our carry on items to be scanned. Coats, shoes, backpacks, purse, etc.

The kids and I walk through the metal detector without incident, as I am trying to collect all of our things, I turn around for hubby's extra hands to help out to see him off to the side being patted down.

That spun a whole new loud conversation with Bubba.
The flight was enjoyable, smooth and pretty quiet. Thankfully.



Christmas Eve, in unfamiliar town.
Let me just say, trying to find something open on Christmas Eve to eat some late dinner, near impossible.

We had to settle for Popeyes. I was looked at crossly when I asked if they had anything GRILLED instead of fried. The answer was NO!

Around 11pm, the kids were FINALLY ASLEEP.

Wrapping presents that I shipped down ahead of time (wonderful idea, successfully completed) on the floor of a hotel, was not the most ideal task. In order to keep some of the Christmas feel in tact, I did it.

I was so worried that the kids would wake at any moment and find Santa for who he was...ME. However, hubby helped by snoring a loud ass symphony that masked any rustling of paper noise I could have made. Thanks Hub.

Christmas morning came and the kids were excited that Santa did indeed find us and leave us a few things.



Merry Christmas kiddos.

to be continued....

Blog-cation

This blog is ON VACATION.



Hope you all have a WONDERFUL Christmas and A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

*I have some posts set up for when I am gone...and there will be a giveaway...my first ever (it's a regift, NOT my first ever)

Jealous?

If you live in an area without snow, you might be jealous of our ice storms and gobs of snow this time of year.

I am jealous of your 80 degree weather, even 70s...so this year, I will be blessed with a WARM Christmas. The forecast for Florida is HEAVENLY while we will be visiting.

I am excited to see palm trees with Christmas lights, I am excited to see Mickey dressed with a Santa hat, I am excited to see my kid's reactions to Disney (it is really magical there) and I am excited to give this gift to my kids.

I hope you all have a magical Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

It is going to be weird to not be connected, but then again, it will be nice to not be connected. All time devoted to my kids, reading and HOPEFULLY soaking up some sun...and of course going to Disney.

I will be back to blogging, probably, January 5th...

wow...one year ago

I mean if this doesn't SHOW ME HOW MUCH I have lost (talking weight not people) then I don't know what does....this is from ONE YEAR AGO...

TOOTING MY HORN IF YOU DON'T MIND. :)
and if you are too lazy to click a lick the link then here...baby ;)



me this year....it is a difference!

Oh....Santa....

Shut your hole.

I don't care who you are, this is funny.




However the one that needs this comment sent to them is ME, MYSELF AND I.

I have a hard time shutting my "hole" sometimes. *I am so immature and giggle at WHAT hole? however, the rest of this post is referring to the hole that is my mouth...and mostly my brain.

Lately, I have slid down the slippery slope of my "old" habits of dealing with Hubby. I am quick to anger, I am quick to lash out.

It really didn't hit me until last night, WHY, I am sliding. It isn't because of all the snow and ice we have, oh no.

I suspect he is drinking again. This has sent me right back to my nasty ways. Isn't it funny? well, not funny, but um, well hell, funny. One suspicion has me acting and reacting irrationally.

In my fit of anger, bitterness and resentments, I did Christmas cookies with the kids (rebel aren't I?) this weekend. I purposely did them while he was at work, I purposely didn't invite any family or friends over. That will show those that I feel have wronged me.

Only it didn't hurt them. Not one bit. It hurt me, it hurt Buggy who repeatedly asked where our family and friends were. At one point, I jumped up and exclaimed,
"I know what we are missing!"

As I got out of my chair, Buggy replied, "The love."

Ton of bricks smacked me in the head.

"The love?" I asked.

She said, "the love of our family and friends not being here!"

"Well," I said, "true, but I meant Christmas music."

She was right. We were missing some key players that are usually involved in our cookie extravaganza. I did that. I did.

I am not proud of it. Irrational behavior doesn't hurt anyone but myself and by hurting myself, it filters down and has negative affects on Buggy and Bubba.

*slaps forehead*

So much depends on my own actions...and lately my actions have a big FAILED stamped on them. I am aware of it, and I plan to work my program (Al Anon) and stop worrying so much about what others are doing or not doing.

I can only control me and my actions...and that is what I plan on doing.

Remember yesterday's tree post?
I am going to put a positive spin on the whole tree thing.

Even though the angel is not lit, it is still there. Looking down on us, and protecting us. Though her lights aren't shining through, maybe it is a sign that I have to open up my heart and mind to see the lights, they aren't going to be shown so easily. I have to work on seeing them.

I am the light that my children see and if I am not shining, I need to regroup and remember the reasons I have TO shine. I will shine, because WE are worth it.

Dark Angel

This is pretty much how the decorating went this year...I was only going through the motions. I just feel numb this year, more than ever before.

Out of the 1,000,000 strands of lights that we have, only 3 worked. Out of the 3 that worked 2 were brand new ones purchased last year. Those 2 new ones were garland lights, therefore, they make the tree look dark in areas.

I'm not going to lie, I kinda like it, but the view in from the outside window isn't as pleasing as it would be if there were sparkling lights throughout the tree...all over the tree.

So the strands of lights didn't work, the angel atop the tree. Oh, wait, you can only see her dark shadow. YEP, she is SUPPOSE to light up too, ahem. Not this year.

If there ever was a tree that mimicked my emotional state THIS tree takes the cake.

I still like it, love my ornaments and after this weekend, I have some presents under there. Oh yes, it's beginning to feel like Christmas here at the home of Stacie's Madness. Dark Angel or not.

10 days until we leave for Disney!

Christmas Picture-FAIL

Seriously, I am in another foul mood today. I'm just sayin and warnin.

So for a post, I thought, keep it short, simple. I sign into my flickr account to get THIS message:

Why do AT&T and Verizon Internet Service subscribers no longer get free pro?

AT&T and Verizon Internet Services have reworked their broadband packages and will no longer be offering Flickr pro to subscribers after January 31, 2009.

Don't panic! None of your photos or videos will be deleted, but if you have a free account you will be subject to a few limits. If you upgrade again, all of your photos will be waiting for you. Any of your sets that disappear will magically reappear when you renew or upgrade.

If you decide to upgrade to Flickr Pro at the regular price of $24.95, you’ll also get 2 more months at no cost.

Seriously???? When Yahoo and Verizon combined their forces, they also FORCED me to move to Flickr...so I did...and I have enjoyed Flickr. I have a lot of pictures...so NOW if I don't buy a membership, I won't get to see some of my pictures anymore? WTF MERRY F*CKING CHRISTMAS, ASSHATS. NICE!! F*ckers!! Yeah that's right. Eat my curlies.*thanks Kitty*

Anyway. *deep breath*

better take another *deep breath*

Moving on.

Over our Thanksgiving holiday I attempted to get some pictures of the kids for our yearly Christmas card (and one year I was really behind so it was a Happy New Year card instead, sue me).

Here is what we ended up with.



DUDE, STAND STILL


*eye roll*

Kids thought this would be a good idea...and they wouldn't stop annoying nicely asking me to take this shot...



By the look of this shot, DEAR SANTA, Buggy and I could use some pedicures. Thank you.

Lastly...


Merry Christmas YO

Wish me luck in getting some better pictures this weekend...or it might be another Happy New Year card again this year.

12 days of Christmas...Monday edition. :)

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.

when I really wanted this



:) Wonder if Hubby reads my blog? Doubtful...so
Dear Santa,

Please whisper sweet nothings in my Hubby's ear about these beautiful earrings for his beautiful wife...and while you are around, please leave us the money to be able to purchase such beauties. Thanks you ROCK.
*********************************************************************************

I had a great weekend despite being woken so early on Saturday, by the way, today when I *needed* the kids to be up at 6:30 we all snoozed our alarms until 7 and I STILL had to wake them up and plead that they please get out of bed. *sigh* Why is that?

Anyway, Sunday was totally a make-up morning. Kids slept at SIL's house...and I got to sleep in until 10 am. WOOHOO. I haven't slept in til 10, well, since pre kids. Really. It was awesome. Still didn't help me from feeling like I need a nap around 4 though. *shrugs*

My Christmas party on Saturday was a really good time, I love getting together with my friends and just being girls, without kids hanging on us or calling us. We all played Taboo, that was fun!

Yesterday I sorted all the Christmas presents that I have gotten so far...and I am really seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I am just about DONE. I need a few more things. Isn't that great? I think it is even if some of you are grumbling ;). Last year I wasn't even this close....my procrastinating ways did not win this year. :)

For those hard to buy for people.

Who wouldn't love THESE?

My fav...personally.


OOOHHH OR this! HA!

Not this year...

In my attendance at Al-Anon last night, this was the reading I had. It really hit home for me. As we are entering into this holiday season, I am going to keep reminding myself of this reading. I even earmarked it in the book.

"Resentments mark the places where I see myself as a victim. I want to let them go because they cost me too much self-esteem. I will love myself enough to release myself from the closet in which resentments keep me locked."

Wow. Really.

I will not resent my brother for not being the "brother" that I want, he is the way he is and honestly, part of the reason he self medicates is because I don't think HE is the person he wants to be.

I will not resent my birth father for his lack of interest in his own children and grandchildren. He, too, doesn't know how to be any different. The disease has taken him on a lonely path in which the routes to get off are obvious, but maybe too painful to take.

I will not resent my husband. My resentment for him only makes me miserable and I want to enjoy the holidays.

As many of you may not know, last year was marked as one of my WORST Christmases EVER. I was on the verge of leaving my husband, but wanted to wait until the holidays were over. My brother and my relationship has strains and is often forced upon us by my mother to satisfy her own agenda. The minute my brother walked in the door, I couldn't breath. I had to go to the bathroom to try to compose myself. I had so much anger towards him, though the anger is still there I am not going to let it overwhelm me this year. Al anon has helped me in trying to channel my thoughts into a more positive light. I hope to really use these tools to get through the holidays. Last year I had to use one of their tactics to calm myself, which only made me EVEN more angry but this time at myself. I don't want to self medicate (beer, I am not talking Prozac or a hit of heroin) to handle THEIR issues and my over bearing resentment.

So, I am going to remember this reading and I am going to put my Al Anon book, Courage to Change, in my purse in case I need a reminder of WHO I am hurting by letting these feelings RUIN one of the most exciting holidays of the year.

Dare I say it?

Christmas is coming!
Christmas is coming!

I try very hard to tackle one holiday at a time, but I can't help but start thinking about Christmas. Could be all the music in the store, the countless advertisements showing up in the mailbox, the endless commercials, it is just IN YOUR FACE!

Photo taken from this flickr acct

I love Christmas, I really do, but each year it seems to be less and less...I don't know FUN. It is fun watching the sparkle in my kid's eyes as they tear through the presents in minutes, when it took "Santa" hours to wrap. It is fun to hear them proclaim their love for Santa and all his magic. It is fun to hear them say, "Mom! You got us CLOTHES again?"

Yeah, I am jealous of Santa. He gets all the love this time of year. What is Santa doing right now, Mom. If Santa can see me then WHERE is he? Why does Santa send us a Wal-mart ad to pick toys from?

A friend of mine, Tamara, has a great outlook on the whole Santa thing. I can't remember it exactly, but it is all the spirit of giving without needed recognition. It is a nice concept and I love giving! So I am going to keep reminding myself of this til the day is here and over (in a matter of minutes)!

I remember days long ago (not that long ago, since I am SO young) when my sister, 12 years younger than me, stopped believing in Santa. She would rip into her presents and say, "thank you Santa, I mean Mom, I mean Santa" while she looked at her older siblings for a reaction. I think she was right around the age that Adison is at, 7 or 8.

As much as I struggle with the "good" fibbing of the Santa thing, I am not ready for her to ask me the true question of if he exists. I guess, though, she already has. She said that other kids told her that the mom and dad do all the Santa things, but she has been happy with the answer, "if you believe, then he is real".

Anyway, I am thinking Christmas. I am having a hard time figuring out what to get the bubs, almost 4 years old. He had the Wal-mart wish list catalog last night and he WANTS all of it. Typical, right? So tell me, what are some good ideas for an active 3, almost 4 year old boy? This Santa needs help. ;)