Turkey, road signs and St. Louis, oh my.

The night before thanksgiving, Mr.FF and I worked on his donation to the Thanksgiving dinner.  He was "forced" into bringing a cake to the festivities.  He really wasn't in to making any cake, didn't want to do it, however, he did and he let me help.

We're so proud of our creation.




It tasted just as yummy too.  It was a pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting.  The head and neck was made with rice crispy treats and modeling chocolate.  Doesn't it look awesome?

Well, as usual, the cake took longer than we had hoped and we ended up running late to my Gramma's for dinner.  In my efforts to hurry, I had to move a road sign out of my way, driving down into a ditch and THANK GOD that we weren't injured.

It was just me and Bubba in the van, Mr.FF and his boys were following us.  I was entering onto the highway ramp.  I remember thinking, whoa, this is tighter than what I thought (twss).  By the time I took my foot off of the gas, the van started to slide and go sideways right into a construction sign.  We bounced off of the sign and drove right down into the very deep ditch (yeaaah).  When we came to a stop, I straightened out the tires and floored it to get the heck out of there.  I was worried we'd start sinking and we had a dinner to get to by golly.

I got us back up to the top, put the van in park, made sure Bubba was ok and laid my head onto the steering wheel.  A few seconds later, Mr.FF is at my window.  *tap tap tap*  He didn't say a word, he reached in and rubbed his hand on my back until I could lift my head. *gotta love him*

"How F'd is the van?"  was all I could squeak out.

Well, it's not too bad, but let me tell you....I am SICK AND TIRED of these accidents I keep getting myself into.
*shakes fist in air*
*sigh*

We had a lovely dinner (after my shaking had subsided), I dropped the kiddies off to Capt'n Cancel and then went to Mr.FF's family dinner (equally as lovely). 

Friday morning, we all piled in the van and headed down for my annual trip to see Kimmy Sue!!!




This reminds me of a CD cover.

To be continued....fyi, Mr.FF drove the rest of the weekend.

Tis the season...????

So Thanksgiving weekend I went to see my best friend down in the St. Louis area.

Saturday night we took the kids bowling, on our way home we drove through this "square". I say "square" cause it's what it reminded me of, except it was a circle.

Whatever.

In the middle of the circle was a beautiful tree, Kimmy Sue, decided we should take a drive around it five times a few times. On round two, I see the Santa house, and low and behold, SANTA IS IN.



"SAAAANNNNTTTTAAAA" I yelled!



The kids start chanting, I continue my Santa screaming, Kimmy did a few more trips around the circle.

"Let's stop!" I exclaim to the cheering kids in the back of the van.

Stop we did.

The windows were carefully decorated, the Christmas spirit whistling through the air.



The An__ues were on display...



The sleigh is waxed and ready for snow...



The girls were feeling Sassy, waiting for their turn to sit on the fat jolly man's lap.

Each one, giggling with pure joy of the season.






First sugarplum is B...


The joy in Santa's eyes spills over as B tells him she would like a DSi this year. He beamed when he handed her a candy cane.

Next up - KK.



Santa chuckled shaking his belly like bowlful of jelly as KK asked for the same thing her sister wanted, a DSi.

He lovingly smiled as she shook her head answering "YES, I have been a good girl"

Then it is my Buggy girl's turn, almost the same height as Santa, she plops down on his knee.

"How about you little girl? What would you like this Christmas?" the rosey cheek Santa asked.


Her list went on...

and on....

Santa, is clearly in shock at the number of items on her list and how she rattles them off soo fluently. He anxiously shovs a candy cane into her hand and looks over at the boy with a sour face.

"Hello young man, what is YOUR name?"

Not answering Bubs hops up on the red suited man's knee.

"What would YOU like for Christmas this year?"

"EVERYTHING." Bubba states proudly.

"Everything???" Santa looks at Bubs with a Reindeer in head lights look.

"YEP, EVERYTHING..."

"Do you like Transformers? GI JOE?" Santa searched and searched his memory for toys made in his workshop.

"I like ANYTHING to do with killing..."

*crickets*



*still in shock*

*WTF???*



From my greedy, loves killing lovely family to yours, I hope your season is bright...We'll be on the therapy couch if you need us.

Live and Learn...

Things I learned cooking my very own Thanksgiving dinner...all by myself.

1) My oven SUCKS...it's so small (that's what she said)



I could barely fit the one turkey breast in there, then I had to rotate out the side dishes as they cooked. The second turkey breast had to sit on the stove until everything else was done.

2) If you're lazy too busy to make your own pies, Sara Lee rocks...except, don't let it thaw in the fridge and if you're going to let it thaw, make sure it's on something level.
Or your pie will have no yummy pie filling left in it...cause it will have run out all over your fridge. Just sayin...



3) Cooking for just you and your children proves to be perfect because you can make the dishes as YOU like them (and your kids as well)...my sweet potatoes were AWESOME and pretty to boot.



4) Even though you aren't surrounded by the chaos of big family noise, you can still enjoy a fantastic Turkey dinner...little candle light, plastic plates (cause the real ones are still packed awaiting a new remodeled kitchen with bigger oven), Christmas movies on the tv...and the best part...just us.



In the end, it works out. If you put in the effort, put in the love and most of all keep your chin up. It all works out. It might even surprise you.

Not me Monday...

Are you all READY to hear how my Thanksgiving went???





In Not me style.

And GO.

I did not grumble on my way to a buffet for my Thanksgiving feast (?). I don't ever grumble.

I did not stall as long as I could before leaving and I most certainly was NOT five minutes or so late.

I did not plaster a smile on my face and muddle through the meal.

I did not anticipate it being as nice as it was...yet didn't anticipate how lovely it would be sitting by my Stepdad's new girlfriend...NOT.

I did not repeat quietly to myself, several times to wipe the look of disgust off of my face before anyone else saw it.

I did not go home after lunch and cook a fantastic dinner for the kids and I.

I most certainly did not have TWO plates full of food cause it was soo good.

I did not wake up 1/2 hour AFTER the time I wanted to leave town on Friday.

I did not get lost for the millionth time trying to find best friend's house.

I did not forget my razor, wow, hair grows quickly in areas you don't want hair.

Bubba did NOT barge into the bathroom catching me naked and ask what all that was growing DOWN THERE. (That'd be embarrassing)

I did not THOROUGHLY ENJOY my time with best friend and her kids.

I did NOT love the drive home, oh wait, that's true, the ride home sucked ass.

I did not listen to the Bears on the ride home, cause I knew they were going to get their asses kicked. *kicks dirt*

I did not sigh loudly as I laid my head down in my own bed last night.

I did not wake up late and crabby this morning.

Turkey sedation....

Hope you all are in a turkey sedation.

At least it's AYCE...meh.

I feel better today.

Thank you blog for letting me get that out...

Thank you to all of you that read and commented.

Thank you to all of you that read and didn't comment.

It's all good.

Really.

But next time, just comment, I will love you long time.

Promise.

Wanna make out?

OH alright.

Let's get to today's post shall we? *slips you the tongue*

I feel better today, I really do. Sure, I do miss my Mom a lot, but there isn't anything I can do about the distance between us right now. So I am going to pick up my chin and move on.

Arizona can suck it. Until I decided to come visit you on Spring Break, k?

So, kids will be with their fathers tomorrow from 10-5...I will be moping on the couch attending my first EVER Thanksgiving dinner with my step-dad's family at a BUFFET....A RESTAURANT! (restaurant is one word that I can NEVER spell correctly, thank you Spanish class).

*silence*

My gramma, the one who claims she was locked in my bathroom, ON PURPOSE, a few years back decided that she doesn't want to cook this year.

*crickets*

SOOOOO...she's wheeling her happy self to a local BUFFET RESTAURANT and wants us to all join her.

*ahem*


Oh yummy.

*meh*

See, what sucks is I can't say NO because I feel guilty about locking her in my bathroom I don't want them to THINK it's because of my mom and step-dad's divorce. Plus I already said, "sure, I think I can make it" through gritted teeth.

I love them, they are my family, but my grandparents, bless their hearts, (cause that softens the foulness coming next) are CRAZY.

*ugh*

The kids both come home at 5, at that time, I will have our own little REAL Thanksgiving dinner for us...I am excited about that. Bubba requested blueberry pie. My little sugar boy. Buggy requested stuffing. My little carbs girl.

Friday morning we will be making our (usually) annual trip to the St. Louis area to spend the weekend with my best friend Kimmy Sue and her family. :) I am excited about that too.

I hope you all have a great holiday.

Naked trees leave naked emotions.

I have a pit in my stomach.

I have some anger, building, surfacing no matter how much I push it down with my silver linings.

I can sugar coat just about every situation, look at the bright side and it's a good trait, but with Thanksgiving upon us, I am digging deep for that glitter to make this year OK.

I am a fixer, a pleaser, a series of crappy parent issues played out in failed adult relationships.

No matter how many rainbows I throw out to tell myself that "new traditions" are good and can be as good as old, I'm struggling today to pull myself out of the grand canyon of anger issues.

When my grandparents died eight years ago, my mom, understandably, died a little with them. I screamed, I threw myself on the floor crying for new traditions. Begging for her to pull herself up and carry on.

"We are still here, we are still alive." I pushed.

I forced her to cook a turkey, I forced her to put up a tree that year...and eventually she did, pull herself up.

Barely.

This year, my divorce, her divorce, her moving to Arizona...I am now screaming at myself to create NEW TRADITIONS. My kids are still here, my kids are still alive and dammit, so am I.

I miss her. I miss having someone to pull up so that I don't have to think about pulling myself up. I see now that I was pulling myself up, just to pull her up.

I feel the pain, fiercely in my heart.

After a death, a divorce is like a death of sorts, I'm left alone, feeling like what am I suppose to do now? To not have my mom to lean on, to "fix", I feel a little lost.

*I know, I have a million reasons to be happy, a million reason (or two three very important reasons) to pull myself up and I will, just needed to get this out. Back to shitting roses and pots of gold. I promise. Carry on.

so yeah, I didn't post yesterday

I was busy...can't a girl be busy? :)

How do you like the new HOLIDAY layout?:)

I had a great time in St. Louis....I *almost* didn't want to come home.

Sometime I would love to go for a weekend with no kids...and check out the nightlife. Cause I am all cool like that, clubbin at my age is HOT. I wanna check it out sometime though for real.

Ya know what is NOT cool at my age?


Wii. Seriously, the toll it takes on your body is just WRONG (but oh so fun). It's *almost* as fun as....oh never mind.

There is something truly amazing about the arch, every time I see it I am in awe. Kim's twin almost six year old daughters excitedly told me of a man that they saw on TV that was on TOP of the arch.

"WHY???" I asked, baffled. He must be CRAZY, he must have been ready to jump. Damn economy.

"He was fixing a light on the very top" they giggled.

"NO WAY" I over exaggerated, cause I might have been a little shocked that it was actually someone who was SUPPOSE to be up there.

I still think he is crazy, but eh, everyone needs a job and THANK GOODNESS that is his and NOT mine. That's 630 friggin feet high. No siree.

So, I hope you all had a great holiday weekend...

I love him.

Adam Sandler's Thanksgiving Song...

Here's lookin at you....TURKEY.

So the holiday is over, I hope you all stuffed yourselves silly!

So in true worst mom of the year fashion...I threw away an Indian hat that Bubba had made at school. (seriously, if I kept every damn paper that came home I would be buried in it, my house would be a fire hazard)

Usually I wait until he has gone to bed and then I STUFF the fifty million papers in the garbage. Sometimes I save out OTHER garbage to be able to put on top of his papers. I have been caught throwing them out more times that not.

He dramatically (is that a word) throws himself to the floor, claiming the specialness of the scribbled on paper. He made it special for *insert any family member name here* how could I possible throw away his masterpieces? *sob sob*

If he finds them in there, he will dig them out. Even if I have dumped leftovers on top of them.

So before Thanksgiving he looks at me and asks about his Indian hat (head dress, whatever) to which I very innocently answer, "wow, mmmm, I don't know Bud. Did you look in the pile of papers you brought home today?"

Well you betcha. I threw the damn thing away the night before, hell maybe even two nights before. I throw so much away I can't remember from day to day the details of which I have disposed.

On comes the fit. How could I throw that away? He is suppose to wear it for our Thanksgiving dinner...yada yada yada.

SO, in my attempt to be world's best mom, crafty even. I bust out the construction paper. I assured him that I am the craftiest and I can help him make a NEW AND IMPROVED (though I don't even know what the other one looked like) Indian hat.

It is rumored that I was calling myself the Craft Master, but you know what they say about rumors.

Reluctant, because he is no dummy to my crafty skills, he gets out his book of construction paper. We went to town. Buggy decided she needed one too and even suggested that I make one for myself. (Which I did not, don't expect to see the pictures either...)

Without further delay...here it is...I continue to impress them (remember they are only 8 and 4) with my SKILLZ.


did Indians wear tie-dye shirts? ha.
also in crafting our hats, Bubba decided to make a TV (?!?) to glue onto his...lol. I told him that Indians didn't have TVs, he just laughed and handed me the glue.





Now you may go to the comments and tell me just how much I rock and making Indian Headdresses....GO. NOW.

why are you still here?

Have a great weekend yo!

it's Thanksgiving YO.

And on Thanksgiving a little THANKS GIVING is in order, right?

So today, I am going to give you a little glimpse into what I am thankful for...are you excited?

I am so very very thankful to my therapist.

Oh that sounds like a joke, but it is not. I am thankful to her for suggesting I attend Al Anon.

I am thankful that I had enough strength to go.

Fortunatly, I had had enough to go attend the meeting.

I am thankful for the group of people that came every week and shook their heads in acknowledgement when I sobbed about my situation. I am SO very thankful for those heads shaking, so very very thankful, because in just one head shake, I felt HEARD. I felt understood. In my world, those were two things that eluded me. I also didn't feel alone. I didn't feel crazy. I felt validated. Again, something that I am so very thankful for.

I have lived a life around alcoholics, I have grown up as a codependent. Often everyone's feelings and needs came before mine. I still struggle with this, but I can acknowledge when I am doing it now, and I can take a step back and reevaluate my motives.

All of this is THANKS to Al Anon...er, but of course, in thanking Al Anon, I also have to thank myself. For the courage, for the inner strength, for the rational (and irrational)thinking that took me to that first meeting, for all of those reasons that I continue to go.

I am thankful to a program that has given me hope when hope seemed so foreign for my life.

I am no where NEAR through the program as others, but I have gone at my own pace, not comparing me to where everyone else is and not feeling badly for WHERE I am. The program is not going anywhere, and I know I can keep working at it.

I know I have come a long way, I can still go a long way further. For that, I am thankful.

P.S. I am also thankful for all the typical things in my life too, family, friends, my health, etc.

Thanksgiving Past...

The holiday is almost here.!!! YIPPEE.

Almost turkey day.

Yesterday I posted about my grandparents that are no longer with us.

Let me share about another set of grandparents (though both are still alive this is more about Gramma W than it is about Grandpa W) that are still here.

This set of grandparents are my stepdad's mom and dad. They are worlds and worlds away from my mom's parents. Just complete different people. ***

The same year we lost Gramma Stocking, Gramma W had surgery to bypass some veins in her legs. After the holiday she went in for a check up only to find major blockage and one vein had burst, showering blood into her lower leg.

It all happened so quickly; after a few short days she was on her death bed and they were talking amputation in order to save her. The amputation was performed, but her situation continued to look bleak. The family was asked to gather in the hospital, my aunt flew in from Arkansas, it was time for the family to say goodbye.

In a last ditch effort, the family had Gramma transferred to a more predominant hospital. They (we!) weren't ready to say goodbye for good unless there was a second more convincing opinion.

In the weeks after the transfer, she had lost her leg, but her life had been saved. She recovered and was able to come home. She had a new challenge in dealing with the amputated leg, but she was ALIVE. Something we had all thanked God for, she however wasn't as overly thankful.

She has said many times since that day that she'd wished they (we!) would have just "let her go" and her whole outlook on life has gone into the shitter since.

After we bought our house almost 4 years ago, we were "elected" to have Thanksgiving dinner at our house. We don't have a large home, but the layout is really conducive for large groups. I loved the idea of having dinner.

"A new tradition!" I thought. I stocked up on all the festive dishes and serving bowls, all in efforts to emulate my Gramma Stocking's holiday meals. There was so much food to be eaten.

My Gramma W, was however not real happy about it. In fact she was mad at me for even buying the house to begin with. Not because it was a great deal, in a great neighborhood, in great schools, but because she couldn't manage the stairs in her condition.

After failed attempts with her prosthetic and a depressed outlook on life, she was wheelchair bound. It was very difficult for the guys to get her up and down the stairs. She was embarrassed, she was depressed and it didn't go well. Even the dinner conversation was strained. In prayer before eating, her "Thanks God for keeping me here another year" dripped with sarcasm and disgust.

It was heart breaking. It is heart breaking.

After dinner, my Gramma W asked my Aunt to help her into the bathroom. So my loving Aunt did. After a while we were all sitting in the living room laughing, talking and just enjoying the fullness and company when an odd realization came over us.

Shit! Where is Gramma*?

As my aunt's cheeks reddened! She ran to the bathroom to find a very pissed off gramma. My Aunt was mortified and felt horrible and Gramma's tirade didn't help.

Gramma through clenched teeth, accused us all of forgetting her, leaving her in there on purpose. She claimed she had "beat" on the wall, but no one came for her. She scolded the size of the toilet not being handicap size. She was PISSED!

It was all sad and pathetic. My Aunt cried and cried. My gramma left in a flurry (as much as a woman in a wheelchair can flurry) and has never stepped foot into my house again.

The tradition of Thanksgiving at my house has forever been tainted with the episode. I don't think any of us will ever forget it. Thanksgiving is NOT ever to be held at my house unless she is dead, per her words. Nor will she attend any party hosted at my house. She hasn't kicked me out of the family (yet!) but pretty much disowned my house and any party happening there.

It wasn't all that funny at the time, but now two years later? Ha, the drama of it all. Sometimes if you look closely you will see hints of amusement in the rest of our eyes when we all sit down for Thanksgiving dinner. If you listen closely you might just hear little hidden jokes thrown around amongst us, ever so quietly and NEVER in Gramma's presence.**

Yes! So that is what happens when I host Thanksgiving.

Gramma's left in the bathroom and she can't get out. ***

I have tried to change the words to Gramma got ran over by a raindeer, but alas I am no poet.

*disclaimer, no Grammas were hurt the posting of this blog

**as guilty as I feel laughing about this...I am still laughing

***I do really love my grandparent's and when it is their time, they will be missed as well!

No Stockings for this holiday

Have you seen the commercial for these?

Oh my goodness, DROOL. I want each kind, but my damn waistline is already putting on its winter weight. I am forcing myself to WW this week to weigh in to get the damage in real numbers. *sigh* Stomach is growling right now!

So many blogs are talking about Thanksgiving. So I will too, cause I am a follower like that.

There are many things that I remember when I think of Thanksgivings past.

My grandparents, my mom's parents, always play first and foremost in my memories. They were great, they were the ULTIMATE grandparents for me. I loved going there for the holidays.

Gramma always had a cabinet with one cupboard full of stuff for us kids to play with, coloring books, blocks, things of that nature. All of us kids would run to that cupboard and pull it all out. There is something magical about a cabinet with toys that weren't yours and remained consistent every year.

Gramma would say, "these are very special toys that I keep here just for you kids, I hope you enjoy them"

She was the most gentle woman.

All of Gramma's pretties as she would call her things, they seemed so fragile and so special. Mostly because they were hers. She was those things to me, fragile and special.

I can remember coming over for the Thanksgiving dinner to see her petite body slaving over the stove. The pan of boiling potatoes bigger than she was, Grandpa carving the turkey. They were a vision together. SO in sync, so representative of what love looks like to me.

As the years slipped on, gramma became a real hoot, er toot. She had lost all abilities to "hold it in". As she stirred the potatoes a few toots would ease out. Trying not to fall out of our chairs in a fit of giggles, she would merely say, "oops". I can still see her innocent face now.

My grandpa was a CARD. He seriously once started a food fight with me and my cousin in the local Ponderosa. He was on one side of the buffet bar and we were on the other when a piece of food came flying over at us.

He always acted like a kid, a fun kid (a kid you wouldn't want as your own, but the kind you loved to be around). Every year a spoonful of potatoes was aimed towards me, with giggles of memories of Ponderosa. Gramma would gently put her hand on his forearm before he let the potatoes fly. "Daddy" she would always say softly. He'd put the spoon down, but not before he gave me the most loving grin. On the heels of the grin he would lob a roll at me instead, stating, "she ASKED for a roll!"

They were great. Even the prayer before dinner made us smile. Gramma every year thanked God for keeping her on this earth a year longer. We would smile with tears and eye rolls, because for the most part, she was pretty darn healthy. For that we were thankful too.

We lost my Gramma, 7 years ago, I think it was 7 years ago. It was devastating. It is devastating. It was right before Thanksgiving. Several small heart attacks, mostly undetected, were what took her.

We lost my grandpa 7 months later, on Father's Day, his body just shut down, he had diabetes and he just went down hill faster than anything I had ever witnessed. I think that the diabetes took him, but his decline in health was broken heart induced.

Holidays haven't been the same, especially Thanksgiving.

We have tried to start new traditions, but we have failed miserably, because nothing can take the place of what my grandparents created.

Gramma and Grandpa Stocking (a name given by my little sister who couldn't pronouce their last name) you are thought of all the time, not just the holidays. You are missed.

*sigh* Relief

well. its over. Thanksgiving day has come and gone.

My day, you ask?

It was fantastic. Everyone had a good time. My brother seemed relaxed, he wasn't overly anxious to LEAVE right after eating (which now looking back, I think he needed to leave before to go get high or something) he and his girlfriend minded their manners. They refrained from cursing, that was nice. LOL.

My friend StacO joined my family for dinner too--she is going through a divorce and she didn't have her girls that day, so we took her in. My uncle also invited his friend in the same divorce situation. So we had "strays" join us, but it felt great to welcome them to our dinner. :)

After dinner with my family we went to hubby's family. That was decent too. I think that because dinner with my family was so relaxed that *I* felt relaxed going to MIL's. So really it was a good day!

Friday morning my mom and I headed to the stores at 4:30am. Yes, I go. I love it. I love the people, the craziness, the holiday music. I had no list to go by, I just winged it and I had a great time. I got some good deals too!

So on Thanksgiving my mom said my little sister called and she was at the airport in Hawaii on her way to come home...for good. *sigh* relief, I am so happy to have her home. She has been living in Arizona for the past two years, a few months ago, she decided she was moving to Hawaii. It lasted a month. WE are very proud of her, but I feel maybe like I can breath a little better with her HERE. My mom was really teasing her about WHY she decided to come home THIS time of year. Her answer was, yes, Hawaii is beautiful, but my family is here. WOW. When she moved out 2 years ago she couldn't GET OUT fast enough. She couldn't STAND us! Glad she has grown up some and even if she doesn't like us we are her family and we love her (and she loves us) :D

Today we are having another dinner (which was already planned, but is going to be extra special since Sister is home too) first round went so well ;). So all in all, it was one of my better Thanksgiving days. I am going to remain hopeful for Christmas.

THANKSGIVING, thanks.

HA HA. So I have been wanting to share that cartoon. It is hilarious. So not nice, but it is damn funny.

Things I am thankful for:

My kids (obviously)

My husband, for dealing with my insane self (sometimes ;) )

My wonderful job, working for a family owned company ROCKS. What other job would love me so much and allow me all this INTERNET time? :D

My mom's insanity, because damn she makes ME look laid back. Seriously.

My step dad. He is the most loving (crazy) man to take on our premade family when he married my mom. I was 11 at the time, my brother was 10. Brian (my step DAD) is a wonderful man, he is thoughtful, patient and most of all he is more of a DAD to me than my BIO dad.

My sister. God love her, she is ambitious, courageous, and down right crazy. She just moved to Maui, LUCKY, and THANKFULLY she is doing Okay. I am proud of her.

What else?
I am thankful that my brother is still alive, I really thought either he would have done himself in (or I would have done it for him) by now.

Thankful to still have a sense of humor of just HOW dysfunctional our families are...really, what else can you do but laugh? Dys FUN ctional.

With that, THANK YOU to those of you who read my ramblings and leave me comments. YOU all rock and I wish you and your families a VERY HAPPY Thanksgiving, may you NOT need the Prozac stuffing. ;)

Thanksgiving smiles.

I have to share this commerical, it cracks me up and grosses me out at the same time.



How the heck do you cook a turkey that big? Can you say salmonella? Also, where does this person live that the (what I assume) hubby is out watering the grass?