Not me Monday-Valentine's Edition

I did NOT get giddy for a Friday night Valentine's date. I did NOT pick the movie and get my heart up into my throat anticipating the night.

I did NOT get bummed when night had to be cancelled due to some unfortunate events.
I did NOT stomp my feet and stick out my bottom lip pouting.

I did NOT receive the most beautiful roses at the office on Friday and I did not most certainly have some co-workers swooning and googling my flowers. I am almost positive that I did NOT turn all shades of red, rose red, when the flowers arrived.

I did NOT make the most of my Friday night with the kids even though the original plans for them to be at Captain Cancel's Uncle's. I did NOT make frozen pizzas and cut them into hearts.

I did NOT sit through another SUCKY movie..."friend" and I have not had much luck with movies (that's no lie)...I rented Love Happens...STUPID MOVIE...STUPID.

I did NOT go out of town for a wrestling tournament with "friend" and his kids. Nothing screams ROMANCE, like a weekend away for wrestling...oh wait...well, if there were no kids it might.

I did NOT share a hot tub with "friend" and another woman that we went to high school with...and NO nothing freaky happened, sickos.

I did NOT get another very generous gift from "friend" for Valentine's... :)

I did NOT let my heart melt slightly when we returned from the tournament, he set up his parents to watch his kids so that he could take me to that movie* we had planned to see on Friday night. I did NOT let my heart melt, cause that would be silly.

I did NOT laugh my ass of during the movie, not because it was funny, though there were some funny parts...I did NOT laugh at the irony of us continually picking bad movies and at this point of the movie we both looked at each other with that WTF? look and I could NOT stop laughing. I did NOT snort out loud, repeatedly. That would be rude to all the other couples that were there trying to enjoy the movie.

I was NOT pleasantly happy with the ending...and at no point did I say ANYTHING that would have made him laugh so hard to blow fruit punch out of his nose, just let the record show.

We did NOT have a weekend full of laughs and romantic glances, we did NOT let getting pulled over, the boys not wrestling very well (or at all in his opinion) and the bad parts of the movie ruin our weekend together. THAT my friends is what I love about this man...there is never a moment when we aren't laughing about something...sure there are serious moments, but we usually follow them up with humor...and I can't imagine a better weekend than one full of laughs.

oh shit, sorry to have digressed. Ignore all that I did NOT just say any of it.

*cheesy grin*

*We saw Valentine's Day, cause we're cheesy like that. I mean, we're NOT cheesy like that...Cheddar please.

Not me Monday...

Are you all READY to hear how my Thanksgiving went???





In Not me style.

And GO.

I did not grumble on my way to a buffet for my Thanksgiving feast (?). I don't ever grumble.

I did not stall as long as I could before leaving and I most certainly was NOT five minutes or so late.

I did not plaster a smile on my face and muddle through the meal.

I did not anticipate it being as nice as it was...yet didn't anticipate how lovely it would be sitting by my Stepdad's new girlfriend...NOT.

I did not repeat quietly to myself, several times to wipe the look of disgust off of my face before anyone else saw it.

I did not go home after lunch and cook a fantastic dinner for the kids and I.

I most certainly did not have TWO plates full of food cause it was soo good.

I did not wake up 1/2 hour AFTER the time I wanted to leave town on Friday.

I did not get lost for the millionth time trying to find best friend's house.

I did not forget my razor, wow, hair grows quickly in areas you don't want hair.

Bubba did NOT barge into the bathroom catching me naked and ask what all that was growing DOWN THERE. (That'd be embarrassing)

I did not THOROUGHLY ENJOY my time with best friend and her kids.

I did NOT love the drive home, oh wait, that's true, the ride home sucked ass.

I did not listen to the Bears on the ride home, cause I knew they were going to get their asses kicked. *kicks dirt*

I did not sigh loudly as I laid my head down in my own bed last night.

I did not wake up late and crabby this morning.

Not ME monday...

Welp, another Monday is here.

At least this is a short week! Makes today seem a little more bearable.




These are the things that I did NOT do this weekend.

I did not spend HOURS playing with my new phone Friday night, while the kids did NOT watch Christmas movies.

I did not call said phone CUTE a million times.

I did NOT spend the rest of the night TEXTING...cause I don't do text.


I did not curse that CUTE MANAGEABLE yard this weekend while raking.

I did not consider having some trees removed from the yard.

I did not under ANY circumstance shake my butt, sing OR talk to myself while raking.

That's just crazy and I am NOT crazy.

I did not stand in line to see the new movie, New Moon. Ok, I did stand in line, but I surely did not squeal like the 12 year olds that were in front of us. Cause I'm an adult.

*ahem*

I did not gasp out loud at the sight of a 17 year old actor.

I do NOT believe that he is only 17, nor do I think that is even RIGHT for a "boy" to look that damn fine.

I did not just type that.

Yesterday when both kids were home from their dad's and other weekend visiting, it did NOT take me about 10 minutes of listening to their bickering to start day dreamin how quiet my weekends are when they are gone and start counting down the minutes till they will be with their dads again.

I did not immediately get mad at myself and then yell at them to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE STOP ARGUING. The mother of the year award is still in my reach...so I couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't have done all of that.


I hope you all had a great weekend and that nothing you did will come back to haunt you in 9 months.

NOT ME MONDAY...

oh, whoa. what a weekend.




It was NOT me who laughed so hard that make-up streaked down my face.
It was NOT me sportin a Penguin costume for a Halloween party.
It was NOT me who stroked the beak of the Penguin costume, in the most perverted kind of way.
It was NOT me who went to pick up friend's 13 year old daughter from the skating rink, in a Penguin costume that I did NOT wear.
It was NOT me who had to fend off an old man at the skating rink, that I did not go to to embarrass the 13 year old in a Penguin costume that I did not wear.
It was NOT me who lost playing spoons and it was NOT me who slapped some people around with the wings of the Penguin costume that I did not wear.
It was NOT me who got all emotional about friend's daughter turning 13.
It was NOT me who hugged her every time she walked by me.
It was NOT me cursing when said 13 year old woke up with a fever the next morning.

Probably the damn swine flu. Can Penguins get the swine flu?




Oh and the weekend did NOT end there.

It was NOT me that was so excited for another night out Saturday.
It was NOT me that bought a new pair of heels just for the occasion.
It was NOT me that was SLIGHTLY disappointed when plans changed from bar scene to whirly ball scene.
It was NOT me that had no clue what Whirly Ball was.
It was NOT me that decided F-it, heels were still going to be worn.
It was NOT me that laughed her ass off while driving a bumper car, in hot ass trout heels, trying to score.
It was NOT me that lost every Whirly Ball game but looked fine as hell losing.


I don't know who it was, but that person had a kick ass weekend, with her kick ass friends!
I am NOT jealous of her one bit.

Not me Monday...

Hahaha, I did not get all crazy and post this post without anything written. Really.

This weekend:
I did not sit in the snow/rain/sleet cheering on my daughter for her last softball game of fall ball.

I did not giggle when I realized she conveniently chose to play the bench during that inning when it was snow/rain/sleeting.

I did not curse the fact that IMMEDIATELY after her 90 minute game, Bubba had his 90 minute game to play.

I did not think of leaving his game early. He was going with his dad anyway after the game ended.

I did not get nostalgic at a friend's mom's 60th birthday party.

I did not get teary eyed watching their family dance.

I did not get out on that dance floor with them in celebration.

I did not walk out of the house without my camera to document the event.

I did not thank Mother Nature for Sunday's beautiful weather...

I did not just post this really dull post.

*sigh*

Not me Monday

I did NOT post twice today.

****

I did not lose my ever loving mind when Bubba called me a B*tch this weekend.
I did not put soap in his mouth.
I did not find it funny that this five year old then screamed he was going to live with his father.
I did not stop him from packing. (oh wait, that one's true, I let him pack)
I can not believe I didn't kill the boy.

****

I did not email Bubba's teacher warning her about the "three amigos".
I did not get an email back saying she's already noticed some issues.
I did not read her email and shake my head at the comment "He is such a character and very intuitive."
I did not giggle and think, "ha, intuitive? More like a calculated manipulative little shit".

****

I did not threaten my children a million times this weekend only to have them continue their behavior anyway.
I did not want to just close my door and nap away the weekend.
I did not do a dance when it was bed time (= quiet time) last night.

****

I have NOT changed my mind a million times on the renting vs buying battle.
I have NOT been blessed with the bestest realtor ever and I love her.
I have NOT dreamt night after night about the possibilities and obstacles.
I have NOT gone over every scenario a million times in my head and with anyone that will listen.

****

Things that did NOT happen at Buffet

In true Not me Monday fashion...

I'd like to share these things that DID not happen while at the Jimmy Buffet tailgating/concert...

Our party most certainly did not show up 10 hours BEFORE the concert started to tailgate.

I most certainly did NOT go to the concert without tickets.

I most certainly did NOT find the deal of the century 2 hours into tailgating that got us 4 tickets for $100.

I most certainly did NOT wear a coconut bra, grass skirt and a fake bare ass.

I most certainly did NOT walk around bumping coconut bras with other coconut bras.

I most certainly did NOT meet/kiss/exchange numbers with a HOTTIE fireman.

I most certainly did NOT call people during the concert to let them hear Margaritaville.

I most certainly did NOT have huge blisters on my feet from my flip flops.

I most certainly did NOT go barefoot for 99.9% of the concert.

I most certainly did NOT get showered in beer at one point.

I most certainly did NOT show favoritism during the limbo contest.

I most certainly did NOT suck at the hula hoop contest, cause laughing hysterically and hula hooping do NOT mix.

I most certainly did NOT get in a guys face cause he was an asshole.

He most certainly did NOT give me a little buzz kill.

I most certainly did NOT go with the best group to ever go with for this shindig.

Our group most certainly did NOT go through 15 gallons of margarita mix NOR did they bring/make 1,300 jello shots.

I most certainly did NOT eat a brat after the concert that might or might NOT have been raw in the middle still. *gag*

I most certainly did NOT purposely run into Hired Help...and his GIRLFRIEND. ;)

I most certainly did NOT make sure he got LEI'D by me.

I most certainly did NOT do my part to bring in the male population to our tiki bar with promised jello shots.

I most certainly did NOT have the BEST TIME EVER.

I will most DEFINITELY NOT be going again next year.

As soon as I get pictures emailed to me I most certainly will NOT be sharing them....

ok, yes I will. ;)
Happy Monday.

hey hey Monday.

Let's see, Not me Monday.


click the button to see other Not Me Mondays and to send your thoughts and prayers to McCharming Family's youngest member Stellan.


No matter how sucky my day is, at least my children are healthy *knock on wood*, I'm healthy *knock on wood*, there is someone out there suffering. What I am going through is NOT any where close to the suffering the McCharming family is experiencing.


Anyway...

suck it Monday.



I did NOT spending the ENTIRE weekend scraping and painting that back part of my house.

I did NOT get angry one time about doing this job.

I did NOT paint myself in the process of painting the house.

I did NOT get bruised knees (shins, arms, etc) hanging on to the damn ladder for my life.

I did NOT get pissy when the only help I had was from my step dad (bless his heart).

I did NOT wish for other helpers to show.

I did NOT speak to my dead grandparents during the alone painting/scraping time.

I did NOT at one point think, "God this color is ugly, I'd never paint my house this color..."

I did NOT (after staring at said color for hours) start to think, "eh, this color ain't so bad".

I did NOT thank Allah or whomever that the kids were NOT with me this weekend to allow me all the uninterrupted paint/scraping time.

I did NOT award myself TWICE for such a good job, well done.

I am NOT talking about award = masturbation (pervs).

I did NOT attend a wedding Saturday and I most certainly did NOT dance my ass off.

I am REALLY NOT exhausted today...

and I am NOT an overemotional mess today, or any day for that matter.

All that's left to say is...


Suck it Monday.
Suck it.


and Get better Kellan

Not Me Monday

I am NOT participating in this today JUST because the new button is so cute, no.

I did NOT hold a pity party for myself this weekend, attendance one.

I did NOT ask WHY ME? Cause what good does that question do?

I did NOT think about breaking into a liquor store for cigarettes as I sat waiting for a police officer to come to the accident I was NOT involved in.

(we are fine and the girl I smashed into is fine as well)


I did NOT phone a friend, only to get voice mail and send me BACK into a pity party.

'Cause I did NOT have a pity party (remember), attendance one.

I did NOT cry my eyes out wondering who my "person" was that I should call in times like these.

I did NOT feel my loneliness most at that point in time.

I did NOT see the sign that I should have just kept my booty home that night instead of going to the beach for fireworks.

I did NOT try explaining the meaning of "gang" to Bubba, when a rowdy group of people all sporting the same color shirts blazed past us yelling.

I did NOT automatically assume the worse that they were in fact in a gang.

I did NOT try to cover up my judgement by comparing them to a family that wears like colored shirts to amusement parks to better keep track of their family members.

I did NOT enjoy a kid birthday party this weekend even though I didn't have kids there.

Lastly, I did NOT take a million pictures at the beach that will probably (not) look like all the other pictures I've taken before.

Whew, good thing none of that happened this weekend, not to me anyway.

I think I will just go back to bed-Not me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My weekend was full of NOTS or kNOTS.

It was the weekend of NO kids. I did not lose all motivation the minute they were out that door. I did NOT curl up in the fetal position on the corner of the couch...for hours. I did NOT have to force myself to shower and GET OUTSIDE.

Once I was OUT, I did NOT mean to about kill myself on the same hike we took on Mother's Day. I was NOT wheezing my way up that dune and I did NOT think about turning around and heading back to the couch.

After the hike I did NOT go sit on the beach and curse every loving couple there or families with their children frolicking around the beach. I did NOT feel like just laying there in the fetal position and sleep the rest of the weekend off.

I did NOT turn down an invite to a movie from a friend to wallow in my own self pity. What a waste of time THAT would have been. *eye roll* (Sorry B, keep askin)

Finally when Bubba came home I asked how his weekend was with Daddy (which really is only one night...every other week) to which he replied good, then I did NOT shit my pants when I listened to where the two of them spent the night on Saturday night. I was NOT thoroughly disappointed to hear that they stayed at Daddy's friend's house...and I didn't not DROP MY JAW, when I found out that this "friend" is a woman....with TWO kids....and that she was at the family birthday party...and that my baby spent the night on her couch. I WAS NOT ABOUT TO LOSE MY FRIGGIN MIND.

I did NOT immediately call my friend and admit that though I am not upset he is dating, I am UPSET that he is getting laid and I.AM.NOT.

Besides the fact that WHOA Nelly on taking our son to the "friends" to spend the night. Never mind the fact that he spends ONE NIGHT EVERY OTHER WEEK with his child and he CHOOSES to spend it at his "friends" --no. NONE of that sets me off...NONE.OF.IT. He's not an asshole, no, I would NOT say that about the father to one of my children.

*coughassholecough*

*sigh and deep breath*

Lastly, I am NOT too proud to beg for your votes again.




and do NOT forget.



You won't want to be left out on the Eden Fantasys giveaway, that would NOT be cool on your part...not at all.

Keep on slippin and sliding....wheeeee.

Not ME!!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Right. Monday.
Hi Monday.
I did not roll over wishing it was still Sunday this morning. I love you too much Monday to do that to you.

I am not hoping that Buggy's practice will be limited to one day this week. Practice makes her softball team better, so it would be wrong to skip it one day this week.

I was NOT relieved a little when Bubba's game was cancelled this weekend due to flooded fields. I did not do a little dance and then rush around town to get some well needed errands done.

I most certainly do NOT regret going out with my Mom this weekend, I surely did not hear things from my mom that made me rush to find bleach to wash out my ears. *gulp*

I did NOT attend a college graduation party of a kid I use to BABYSIT. Cause that would make me him old.

I WAS asked to photograph another wedding, this one is an informal wedding reception and friends of the family, but I did not think of charging them the same full price I charged the first bride. Cause that wouldn't be right, would it?

I was not rude to soon to be ex hubby this weekend and my feelings were NOT hurt hearing about my nephew's up coming birthday party that I am not invited to because of the divorce. Their loss.

I was not relieve to find out that I was not register with Girl Scouts, therefore I couldn't attend the sleepover with Buggy. Those tiny paper thin mattresses on a concrete floor looked so inviting, I sure would have liked to get no sleep to stay with her.

So what is YOUR not me Monday? Click on the button up top to see others....

OH and lastly, I am sure not pimping out the fact that I am walking for Relay for life...and I am not asking you to just donate SOMETHING so I don't look like an ass.

Not Me...Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

The weekend recap on what I did not (most certainly) do. Not me. Nope.

I did NOT throw a little fit about Hubby's clothes that remain all over the laundry room. No, 'cause I don't throw little fits...ever. IN the fit that I did not throw, never once was bagging said clothes and leaving them on the front lawn mentioned. No, cause that would cause more neighborhood whispers. SO I would never threaten that...(when does Am-vets come again?)

I did NOT almost forget about Bunny duties. That would be as bad as forgetting Tooth Fairy duties ! I did NOT lay down in bed, only to shoot straight up remembering those duties and muttering curse words under my breath. NOPE, cause that would not be very Eastery of me.

I did NOT eat any candy this weekend. I didn't. Cause that would be against my Weight Watchers plan, that's right, that would cost me too many points, so I most certainly did not eat ANY of those yummy delicious Whooper Robin Eggs. Nope. Not me.

I did NOT do a little dance the minute the kids walked out the door to go to breakfast with (soon to be ex) hubby. I wouldn't do that, cause I love them rascals and it was Easter, I was NOT GLAD to have an hour to myself on a holiday. No.

Since I was kid free (and NOT LIKING it) my mom and I decided to go for a hike. I did NOT think there was a pun intended...however, I most certainly did NOT consider tellin my Mom that she could take her own hike and return when she was out of her mood. I would not think about saying that to my beloved Mother. That would be rude and rude is something I am NOT. Ever.

While hiking I DID point out a neat looking house to hear my mother say..."oh, that house? I had sex in the hot tub at that house." She did NOT just look me IN THE EYE and say that; she did NOT just say that...because that would NOT be appropriate Easter talk OR conversation you have with your daughter. Right? No that did not happen to me.

Lastly, I did NOT go to bed early last night just to get the weekend over with and I did NOT wake up this morning still friggin tired. Nope not me, must be some other dope.

Nope, Not ME!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT post a pissy blog on Friday.

I did NOT fall down my stairs this weekend trying to take boxes of packed items out to the garage.

My one butt cheek does NOT now resemble Jo-Lo's booty.

I did NOT trip UP the stairs at the movie theatre on Sunday.

I did NOT scrap my one knuckle getting my bike down in the garage.

I also did NOT ride my bike half way to the gas station only to find the tire flat.

I did NOT continue to just walk the darn bike the rest of the way to the gas station.

I did NOT refill the tire only to have it flatten again when I got on the bike to ride home.

I did NOT let that affect my weight loss perception. No. Not me.

NONE of this was me. Must have been some other crazy.