Here's the skinny.

I did make it to a Weight Watchers meeting.  It had been a year since I attended.  I was 2 lbs over my "goal".

I say "goal" because the goal for WW is about 10 lbs more than MY goal.  I dropped 10 lbs under that goal and felt AWESOME.

The 2lbs over is acceptable and reestablishes me as a LIFETIME member, which allows me back in the "club" and gives me free online tools to keep track of my food, weight, etc.  For that I am so proud of myself.  *pats back*

It's a great starting point, now comes the lose 10 lbs quest. :)

****

Bubba is learning about drugs in school.  He's bugging the crap out of me every time I smoke or have a cup of coffee.

"There's caffeine in coffee, Mom."

"Yep."

"Caffeine is a drug."

"Yep."

"When are you going to quit smoking, Mom?"

"When I WANT to."

"Tobacco is a drug."

"Yep."

"You should stop drinking coffee and smoking."

"Bubba, there's caffeine in chocolate.  How would you like me to throw away all of that Halloween and Christmas candy?  Caffeine is a drug."

It shut him up, at least for that night.

***

Buggy continues to lose her mind.

If I hear one more time, "I lost my phone." or "I lost my house key."  I might just lose my mind.

One day, she came home from school as normal, went to swim practice as normal.  I came straight from work to pick her up from swim.  We walk in the door together, my first time being home for the evening.

"Mom, where's my backpack?"

*chin hits floor*

"How would I know where your backpack is?  I just walked in the door.  Where did YOU put it when you got home?"

"I put it right here."  She points to the kitchen floor, where there is NO backpack.

"Obviously, you did NOT, cause it's not there now."

This happening more and more often.  I am not sure how to get her focused.

She comes home, drops her swim bag (with wet suit and towel) and goes about her night.  She calls me the next day, "Where's my bathing suit?"

I'm going to flip my lid again.  Seriously.

***

So that's what's been up with us.  Good times.

My "fat" pants fit.

Not good.

I documented my first days at Weight Watchers here.

I started this journey (the never-ending journey of weight loss) back in 2008.  That makes me kinda smile...I've kept the majority of the weight off for over three years.  That's worthy of some ice cream pats on the back, yes?

Well before any back patting is to occur, I need to go tonight and see the damage.  I do know that I've done it before and I will again.  A plus side is I KNOW I'm not starting out as heavy as I did to begin with, so my goal shouldn't be too far out of sight.

I will use this blog as my accountability...feel free to ask me if I went tomorrow.

:)

Resolutions Part Duex.

As some of you may know...a few years ago, I joined Weight Watchers.  It took me about 7 or 8 months to lose close to 30 lbs.  I have since kept that weight off, except for a really annoying yo-yo of 5 lbs or so.

I put on the 5, I take it off, put it on, take it off.  I've had it with myself.  It's mental.  I'm mental. ;)

So, I vow.  I want to take off the 5 and another 5. ...so 10 (in case you suck at math...as much as I suck and keeping that 5 stupid lbs off for good) total.  I want to lose 10 lbs.  Do you hear me flabby tummy?

Here's where I need your help...when I do lose that 10, and I will.  I will lose that 10 (eventually).  When I lose it, I will be at my lowest weight...um, since maybe birth. 

My driver's license will still read 5 lbs heavier when I lose this 10 lbs, which means, even at age 16 I was not that small.

So...(back on point of where I will need you)...when I get to that point...and I start whining about needing to lose more weight....SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  MMK?

Here is where weight watchers SAYS my range of weight should be...."Your healthy weight range is 113 to 141 lbs." 

I will not be 113 after this 10 lbs......so don't let me talk myself into thinking that 113 would look good on me...cause I'm not real sure that it would...and I really don't want to purchase all new clothes to fit a 113 lbs.

Momma wants a new pair...

Here's what I said to this commercial last night.

SHUT.THE.FRONT.DOOR.

First, the commercial...um, RISQUE....
and secondly...whoa.

I've talked about my weight loss on here before. After losing my weight, I find myself STILL not completely happy, shut up men, my boobies sag, my ass sags, my cellulite won't sag off.



All you have to do is walk...that's it.

I can walk.

I CAN walk.

I want these shoes and an ass like the actress in the commercial.



I am TOTALLY into guys and I drool over that girl's ass.

TMI?

I like my body in the right clothes, but once those clothes come off, so does my armor of protection. All insecurities once hidden by that outer layer are exposed. So when I saw THIS commercial, as juicy as they make these girl's tits look...

(again I'm totally into men so these advertisements ARE working cause it makes me want tits and ass.)



Yeah, it'll make you look good IN your clothes and bra, but eventually, well HOPEFULLY you won't stay in those clothes if you are with your man, right?

Here's how I imagine it:

Guy: Dude, (all guys say dude, don't they?) your boobs (said with drool running down his chin) are so hot, and perky and I can't wait to motorboat 'em.

Girl: Yeah. Baby. (Flaunt flaunt floozy)

Cut to bedroom.

Unhooking of bra, excitement rising (if ya know what I mean), and WHAM. Those once perky, "hot" boobs are now, nonexistent and torpedoing themselves towards the floor.

Nipple dive.

I don't want that. I want my body to look just as good naked as it does clothed. That's not too much to ask is it?

Wonder if they make some "easy tone" bras that can tone my boobies as I walk.

'Cause I can walk.

I CAN.

Girl Talk-Dreams

It's girl talk Thursday time...
Ok, so I don't participate EVERY week, but it's because it is on the same day as the You Capture Photo thingy...


This week the You Capture challenge was to photograph food, have you seen my ass? I don't photograph food, I eat it and lots of it (not anymore, but a girl can still dream) therefore no you capture from me this week...

Dreaming about eating segues nicely with the girl talk topic....um, dreams.

I dream that I could eat as much as I'd like and not gain a pound.

(Weight Gods are you payin attention?)

Have I mentioned that I recently hit my final final goal through weight watchers? I have, or had, cause as soon as I hit it my sabotaging ways managed to gorge itself and give me back those pounds.

I love me.

So anyway, I don't remember my dreams much. Usually the dreams I do remember are the ones I have during the 10 minute snooze time on my alarm clock in the mornings.

I hate mornings.

I snooze the alarm a good half an hour before I get tired of hearing the damn thing going off and get my butt out of bed.

I do know lately that I go to bed day dreaming (or is it night dreaming?) about a house purchase and I wake up thinking about a house purchase. So I can only conclude that I am probably dreaming about it in my sleep as well.

I've seen lots of houses. Most of them are a total no-go for my budget and lack of owing any sexual favors to a construction worker.

I'd settle for a handy man or hired help if he wasn't girlfriend up already.

There are two however that would require some work but one that won't require whoring out to complete.

(I am totally kidding about the sexual favors, unless you know someone who knows someone.)

(Or you are that someone. Call me)

(kidding)

(kinda)

So my dreams are of the kids and I settling in, manuevering around the house and picturing what we will look like in the house in say ten years.

I've been lacking in sexual dreams as well lately. I do recall having several while I was pregnant and they were yummy, I just don't have them anymore (that I can remember and if you can't remember them then they aren't any fun.)

I do more dreaming while I'm awake than while I sleep. If I were that kind of blogger, *adjusts halo* I'd tell you all about my sexual day dreams. Let's just say, there has to be SOMEONE out there that is what I dream of and not an ass...right? RIIIGGGHHHTTT.

(I'll keep dreaming.)

(Someday my dreams will come true and by then I will probably want/dream something else.)

(Please let him wear a uniform, like a fireman or something, I'm not picky.)

(What???)



Dreaming is fun, whether it's day dreaming or night dreaming.

I have dreams, they just aren't while I'm sleeping.

I know, right?

Three Musketeers


Clearance $11.99 HAD TO BUY...


Clearance $17.99, I know, I can hardly stand it myself...


Not Clearance, but a must have...


Ok, here is the work OR date appropriate dress...photo courtesy of Buggy.



When I came out in the dress both kids had their eyes bugged out.

Buggy: Mom! That's Hot.
Bubba: yeah, SMOKIN hot.

I know, right?
I love this new body...and I love how the clothes fit and feel. It is amazing...and incentive to KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF...for good.

I did not photograph the three pairs of pants OR my new red purse, take my word for it they're awesome too. :)

I love all the comments on the black dress...I just don't see myself wearing it, I'm too practical and I don't want any man to get the wrong idea when I show up wearing it....or do I? hmmm.

I wanna love you all over.

I love the way I feel when I am with you.

I challenge myself in ways that surprises me, makes me want to keep going further.

In your presence my heart beats rapidly against my chest and beads of sweat form.

Afterwards I feel energized, my body tingles with satisfaction.

When we aren't together I am reminded of our meeting and yearn for our next encounter.

You are so good for my heart, for my mind and for my body.

I don't know why I quit you for so long, but I am back.

Someday, I'd like to bring you home with me to live forever.







<3









Thank you Elliptical Machine, YOU ROCK.

Negative Nelly *neigh*

I am just really swimming in my own negativity lately. Example:

I started reading a new blog, well her blog isn't new, but it is new to me.

400 Miles Away she has posted a couple times about the lovely weather (she lives somewhere around me), like yesterday and today we have been having a "warm up" and she posted about it feeling almost tropical compared to what we have been experiencing (massive amounts of snow and friggin school cancelling frigid temps). My response was (and I know this is just despicable) "yeah...and all this damn warm-up is causing flash flooding" (paraphrased, cause I said it so I can paraphrase myself).

I mean seriously? Could I be more Debbie Downer (let's have more Debbie does Dallas or somethin happier)?

She is right. It is 28 degrees out right now and it does feel damn nice to go out to smoke and not lose a hand/finger/nose in the process. So KUDOS Mother Nature, thanks for the warm up and sunshine today.

This, though, provokes another negative thought.

So what it is "balmy" right now, by this weekend we are getting the freeze back on.

SERIOUSLY. I need a big fat dose of Happy Juice or something. Anyone? Anyone have some happy juice I can down.

Funny I just said DOWN happy juice.

Another negative party I am hosting is this damn choice I made joining the cult that is Weight Watchers.

(I don't believe it is a cult, I rather like WW and it has been the only thing that truly has worked for me on the losing weight front)

I had this feeling when I first joined Weight Watchers. I was just overly pissed about the change I was forced (needed, whatever) to make in my eating habits. So when I get pissed about change I rebel.

I have fallen into that pattern lately. I see some ice cream, I get pissed because I WANT it and SHOULDN'T have it...so I eat it. Grumbling about this is my life dammit, I'll eat what I want to.

So what do you get when you rebel at Weight Watchers? OH YEAH BABY, there are repercussions.

You get a big fat whopping (now I want Burger King) THREE POUNDS. Crap.

I mean, I knew it. I knew I was rebelling and eating poorly...and I KNEW it was going to show up on the scale. I just couldn't stop myself.

I hate putting a lot of effort into things. I want to SEEM like I am putting in the effort, get the RESULTS of putting in the effort, but I don't ACTUALLY WANT to put in the effort. Make sense?

All these negative thoughts, I am calling myself out on them right now, because they are draining my energy lately.

So here is what I can do with my negative thoughts:

I can change them, spin them, not fool myself into believing the positive, but ACTUALLY know the positive to be true.

Weather:
It is warming up, the sun IS shining. As much as I LOVE the snow, it does go away giving me the beautiful season of SPRING. Spring, new starts, new beginnings, beautiful flowers peaking their heads up from the newly defrosted grown. I love that.

Weight Watchers:
It was MY CHOICE, MINE only. That ALONE is worth celebrating. It has been one of the BEST choices I made FOR MYSELF, with myself...and guess what, I have been successful. I have lost 30 plus pounds. I lost that weight in 7 months of joining. Here I am a YEAR after starting the process...still 30 lbs lighter. Healthier, stronger, etc.

It works, it worked and it will be worked again....and forever.


"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right." -Henry Ford

and another one I like from Henry Ford

"You can do anything if you have enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes rise to the stars. With it, there is accomplishment. Without it there are only alibis."

In where I continue to whine about clothes

It is fall. I guess I should have expected it with the date being October 1st and all, but damn, it is fall out. Today's high? In the FIFTIES. It is dark, raining, windy, and FALL.

Don't get me wrong, I do love fall, the colors, cool nights, pumpkins and comfort foods galore.

Here is my problem (again!) with THIS fall. I have one pair of pants and even THEY are too big on me (I know whining about my weight loss again). I need to go shopping, but money is so tight right now...but I can't go on wearing Capris everyday...or worse SHORTS.

Geez, can someone hand me a tissue for all my whining and cryin?


*edit, could I say FALL one more time in this post? FALL*

J-lo booty

As I stood in front of the mirror examining my backside, I frowned at my reflection.

"Why does my butt stick out like that?" I cried.

"Well, that is because you have the *insert maiden name* ass." my cousin replied.

We were just preteens and I still remember this conversation with her. My lower back arched to showcase this little (or not so little) round booty. I hated it. Why did my booty have so much volume?

As the years went on I don't remember obsessing about my booty anymore, it was just there. Now *almost* 35 lbs lighter (pats self on back) I have gone back to obsessing about my rear end.

"Where is it?" I cry.
"Why can't I find pants that lift it?" moaning like a preteen again.

I have the flattest ass known to man now. Well it really isn't FLAT, but all that plumpness has, um, deflated...or more like SAGGED it's way down to my thighs. I think ass and boobs are in a competition to see who can get to my knees first.

I need to get back to the J-Lo Booty, I need some butt lift exercises...er, some magic to LIFT AND SEPARATE...oh wait that is for the boobs...I just need LIFT for the rear. A rear lift. I know if I would start putting my backside (why is the post feeling dirtier and dirtier to me?) in motion, I could have that nice plump HIGH booty again. I just need to get off of it!

Credit?!?

In my life, there are so many things that I do that I don't give myself credit. I am my worst critic. I guess we all are our worst critics.

Last night at Al Anon a few people mentioned things I have said that have stuck with them and made a difference in their lives. I brushed it off and said that everyone gives good advise or tidbits to help. I never thought MY words helped others. Usually the things I say are things that I too need to work on so I never thought they were offering inspiration to others. When I was leaving one of the gentleman said, "you are our A+ student". I quickly denied it and said, maybe I am more of a strong B student.

I have lost 26 lbs in WW, and yet all I can dwell on is the 5 more I WANT to lose. I have LOST 26, why don't I credit that? I think so many others have lost much more and still have a ways to go, why should I pump my fist in the air?

Our leader at WW said, "we need to have our lifetime members here at meetings to share their valuable info on how they have achieved lifetime!" I felt like slithering away, what advise could I possibly offer?

I did the same thing when I received my associates degree. I would get congratulated and all I could say was, "it's ONLY my associates" as if it was a piece of cake for me to go to school 4 nights a week for 4 hours per night with a 2 year old at home and working full time. The last year of my studies found me pregnant and then finishing out with a newborn. Bubba was born February 04 and I didn't finish until Oct 05. That wasn't easy, yet I still felt like it wasn't good enough.

I am where I need to be RIGHT NOW...and I have gotten myself there. I need to take more credit for it.

Maybe each Tuesday I should do a pat your back tuesday, where I write about something that I do that should be comendable...hmmm, we will see about that. What are you not giving yourself enough credit for tackling or doing?

Lifetime?

So as I mentioned yesterday, I have reached lifetime member through weight watchers. Not to downgrade my accomplishment, I technically STILL want to shed five more pounds. Trying the kill the "not good enough" attitude, but it was with me as the WW leader called me to the front of the room to celebrate my new status. I blushed and said (out loud) "but I still want to lose 5 more". GOD, could I be less enthusiastic? I mean seriously, in a room full of women (and one man) struggling to GET to goal and then maintain for 6 weeks...and my answer to "how does it feel to get there" is "i don't know, I still want to lose 5 more"?!?! *hits forehead*

I am scared, because lifetime means LIFETIME...did I really know what I ass getting myself into when I decided to join WW in January? Did I really realize and buy the hype that this is a LIFETIME lifestyle change? Apparently not. I am almost ANGRY that I hit LIFETIME...BECAUSE it means LIFETIME of doing watching what I eat.

I was so angry that I WATCHED half of a blizzard go into my mouth. (It was good too)

Lifetime. L.I.F.E.T.I.M.E!!!

Wordless Wednesday...kinda

and, happy third anniversary to me and hubby. Sorry we are legally separated, but maybe by the fourth anniversary we will have our shit together. Does Hallmark make cards that say that?

Also, tonight's weigh in will be my 6th week at goal weight...it means I will become a "lifetime" member of Weight Watchers!

fluff

I feel fluffy today. Ever have days when you feel fluffy? I don't *think* it was the five two cookies I ate last night. We will see, for tonight is weigh in night at Weight Watchers. *bites nails*

I have an exciting post for tomorrow...I am gearing up for it. Might not be exciting for YOU, dear readers reader but I am amped about it. :)

Til then, my friend.

I did it.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND SAY IT AIN'T SO.
It is so.
I have met my weight watchers goal...still have a personal goal of 135 and I will get there. There is a new found motivation now hitting the ww goal.

I am just in shock. I knew it was going to work, but I didn't know it was going to work, ya know?

The leader asked last night how different I feel, yes, I do feel different, healthier, but I still see myself as the same girl as when I joined. I still see areas that need improving. Will I ever pat myself of the back for a job well done?

A couple of you posted about my flower growing out from under the rock..I NEVER once thought of myself when I saw the determination it took for that iris to flourish. I just thought it was pretty amazing and cool to see it grow that way. ACTUALLY, my mom drug me out there with my camera to capture it...and it is pretty cool, but just as my mom you all have drug me out to see that YES, it also is MY determination that has gotten me here.

Twenty seven pounds lighter, in six months, that is pretty damn good and nothing what I thought I would accomplish. Maybe the success hasn't sunk in. Maybe Bubba asking if I was carrying a baby in my tummy hit me a little in the pride department. Whatever it is, I really hope that image of my smaller self sets in...cause, I haven't been this "little" since high school (and I thought I was fat THEN *eye roll*)

I have to maintain this weight now for 6 weeks so I can make lifetime...and in the next 6 weeks I plan to get down to MY personal goal. *raises fist in the air* I will succeed.

Shart happens part duex

or duece?

I think at this point, my hubby is the only one completely back to "normal". Must have been all that whining and sleeping he did at the onset.

Buggy, Bubba and me are NOT back 100%. We feel better...but some areas are not, um, back to form if you will.

I have to say that ONE great thing about this stomach virus is....

I loss 3 more lbs at weight watchers weigh in!!! woot woot.

Who says havin the shits isn't fun??? C'mon.

My total weight loss is *drum roll* 25.8 lbs. *does happy dance*

When I started my journey with Weight Watchers I never in my life thought I could lose this much. I originally wanted to lose 16 (or so) pounds. I thought my "magic" number was going to be where I felt good. Yeah, 16 lbs is all I thought I needed to lose.

Ha. The lady laughed at me. She said, "Honey, according to your BMI (which I hate that damn BMI chart) you are 1 lbs into the obese category. 16 lbs will be your 10% weight loss goal."

I thought, "if I get down to THAT weight I am going to be a stick with boobs."

I was overwhelmed and pissed. Obese, *psha* ok, I will play along with my fatself. I followed the rules, I ate (mostly) what I was suppose to and stuck with the plan. First weigh in I was nervous.

Not all weeks were a loss, but I made it to my 10% goal...and I have kept going. The target weight for my height was 10 lbs LESS than what I originally wanted to weigh when I came into this adventure. Now here I sit... .8 lbs away from the "target" weight. It is an amazing feeling.

Being an overachiever though means, I want to lose 5 or so more pounds so that I have that weight to work with to achieve my lifetime member status with weight watchers...and HELL...5 more pounds when I feel this good right now, can't be wrong. :)

I might get a bikini to wear this summer

while I am alone

in my yard

or something.

I won't wear it in public.

I hope you all have a fantastic Memorial Day weekend!!

Where is the week going?

I can't believe it is Wednesday already.
Workin it Wednesday. Not to be confused with workin it Friday. :D

My Mother's day was NICE! I did find my mom a really awesome pair of earrings that I was secretly hoping she didn't like so that *I* could have them. :) I would have bought her something else to replace it. I even tried them on...shhhhh. LOL. I really want those earrings.

The kids and hubby did good...they had a cute card, the kids had stuff they made at school and they went in and bought me a facial gift certificate at the spa. So it was all very nice. :) I really love the stuff the kids make me more than anything. Seriously I cherish those.

IDOL...I PREDICT DAVIDS IN THE FINAL. Just sayin...again...for the record. :)

In honor of wordless Wednesday (which I obviously have no concept of wordless) and in honor of my Weight Watchers weigh in tonight...here is a picture of me TWO years ago. What a great reminder of how far I have come since starting WW this past January.


and here is me December 07, right before joining. Probably the only picture of me with my glasses on too...and Bubba's looks so happy to be standing next to his Jolly bowl of Jelly Belly Momma. :)


Well...me now is me in the header...so YES, I have come a long way and it feels great.

TOOT-goes my horn

(Size of horn DOES matter, thankyouverymuch)
I hate to toot my own horn

((ah, who am I kidding? If I didn't like tooting my horn, I wouldn't be posting it for the whole Internet world to see))


(((if I knew how to cross out "Internet world" to make it say my 4 readers I would)))

(((( and on that note if anyone can direct me in how to change my comment link to NOT read Christmas kisses I would be greatly appreciative ))))

Horn tooting, I forgot where I was.

In my 15th week of Weight Watchers I have lost a combined weight of 19.2 lbs...YES!! When I posted how 3 lbs loss felt way back in January, may I revisit this idea and explain how 19.2 feels:

Pants = sag off my almost nonexistent ass. Pardon the language. I actually still do have a behind, but it sags over my legs so much that you can't really see it where it should be in the jeans anyway. I definitely need some butt lifting exercises.

Bras = extra material bunching up under shirts looking very...stuffed or severely lacking boobage. The once overly stretched band is now clipped on the tightest fitting it can go. Victoria Secrets, please lower your prices so that I may be able to afford more than ONE of your bras. Thanks.

Shirts = that once snuggled my waistline and bunched there so nicely are now HANGING off of my waist; its making me feel almost like I am in pajamas instead of work apparel.

Shoes = can these really be feeling big too? If I am going to be in the market for new clothes, can we just SAY the shoes are too big too?

I feel good. I still have the baby belly (yes, I know he is FOUR now) so along with butt lifting exercises, I need some lower belly exercising too.

In other horn tooting news...

Did I call American Idol? or did I CALL American Idol?

And with that I will take a bow and quickly leave the room as to not hear the snickers of jealousy ;)

It's my Cherry Pie.

so...just the cherry on top of EVERYTHING going on...I weighed in last night and GAINED. For the first time on this program, I have gained. A whole 1.6 lbs. Dang it.

I am blaming (what? I don't care what you say)
PMS-PMS MADE me eat those whopper eggs. *drool*
FULL bladder-I was in a hurry to get in to weigh and get out...I forgot to pee beforehand.
Heck why not....

the Bunny made me do it.

Today is a new day, it's a new dawn and DARN IT, I am going to get back on track. I am going to get out my can of WhoopsAss so graciously given to me by Lizzy and my hardassness from Kami.

I WILL PREVAIL.

WOOHOO....

I hit my 10% goal in 10 weeks.
Isn't that awesome?
Really I have about 10 more lbs that I would like to get rid of...so it is a 10%/10wks/10more kind of day for me. :D